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Quote by Gilbert Gottfried

“I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.”

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Gilbert Gottfried is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and mimicry skills. Born on February 28, 1955, he has achieved success in various comedy fields since the 1970s. more

“I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman - I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic - I said, 'Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn't get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can't just give away that sh*t for free.'”

Ifs Giving Long Said Sleep Married Balls Mad Athlete Hats Fanatics Jordan Funny Marriage

Author:Aries Spears

“God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.”

Kids Night Dies Married Funny Marriage

Author:Jim Norton

“If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.”

Ifs Want Guy Married Vow Funny Marriage I Want A Guy

Author:Sam Kinison

“My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.”

Hard Use Stuff Wife Walking Married Clothes Mark Breaths My Wife Rings Territory Fabric Scent April Funny Marriage Walking Away Sniffing

Author:Andy Rooney

“I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.”

Knows Feels Years Wife Married My Wife Yesterday Awful Bloody Funny Marriage Feels Just Awful Days

Author:Frank Carson

“Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.”

Love Made Earth Heaven Marriage Wedding

Author:John Lyly

“If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it for himself.”

Ifs Thinking Made God Women Singers Wedding Singer Songwriters Funny Women

Author:Kris Kristofferson

Quote by Gilbert Gottfried

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