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Quote by Jon Stewart

“Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.”

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Jon Stewart, born on November 28, 1962, is an American satirist, comedian, writer, and television host. He is best known for his work on 'The Daily Show', where he used satire and humor to deeply analyze American politics and social issues. more

“Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.”

People Jobs President Plans Directors Horse International Brown Association Standing Out President Bush Headings Arabian Commissioners

Author:Jon Stewart

“The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led to the second largest bankruptcy in American history. Why four-and-a-half years? Because apparently it's harder to bring Ken Lay to trial than it is to invade two countries.”

Years Two Country Half Four Harder Lays Trials Chiefs Fraud American History Bankruptcy Half A Year Two Countries Enron

Author:Jon Stewart

“You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.”

Ifs Knows Enough Raises Rewards Bin Laden Nickels

Author:Jon Stewart

“Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way, for a fun second term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase 'contentious but futile protest vote by democrats.' By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria.”

Way War Games Fun Term Vote Drinking Democrat Despite Beer Phrases Protest Syria Rice Contentious

Author:Jon Stewart

“Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.”

Bits Justice Office Disappointment Department Goodbye Addresses Farewell Attorney Resignation

Author:Jon Stewart

“Prosperity is full of friends.”

Literature Prosperity

Book:Euripides: Hecuba, translated by W. Arrowsmith. Andromache, translated by J. F. Nims. The Trojan women, translated by R. Lattimore. Ion, translated by R. F. Willetts

Source: Euripides: Hecuba, translated by W. Arrowsmith. Andromache, translated by J. F. Nims. The Trojan women, translated by R. Lattimore. Ion, translated by R. F. Willetts

“Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?”

Lying Sound Please Telling The Truth John Kerry

Author:Jon Stewart

“The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None.”

Years Two House President Term White Week Months Periods Claims Army Credit Active Nine Traditional White House Weekend Documents National Guard

Author:Jon Stewart

“Spain's new Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq - meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.”

Willing Iraq Ministers Prime Troops Stubborn Prime Minister Spain Coalitions Duets

Author:Jon Stewart

Quote by Jon Stewart

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