“With competition there is always ego and hubris... competition gets in the way of work.” WayEgoCompetitionHubris Author:Patrick Dempsey
“Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost.” PersonsSaidPoliticalLostMachinesDemocraticClintonCandidatesMikeFaxFax Machines Author:Jimmy Fallon
“A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect as many as seven Americans.” CourtSevenExpectedStampsPostal Service Author:Conan O'Brien
“Lincoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, announced he's running for president. Before he announced he's running, his wife went on Facebook and asked his staff if they remembered his password. Because if a Facebook password is too hard to remember, the launch codes for the nukes should be a piece of cake.” IfsShouldHardRunningRememberPresidentPiecesWifeFormerCodeRememberedIslandsCakeGovernorsStaffPasswordsNukesRhode Island Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.” RedSantaShowing UpReindeerRudolph Author:Conan O'Brien
“According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves.” NumbersHolesCoveredPollsDropping Author:Jimmy Fallon
“The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies.” LastsThreeFireSecurityMajorsBombsKnivesCagesPipeLapsesTsa Author:Conan O'Brien
“Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands.” WorldHandsCoursesDecisionCitiesAcceptingOrganizationCupsSoccerOfficialsHostAccusedWorld CupBribeFifa Author:Jimmy Fallon
“A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't be ridiculous. My daughter isn't marrying a lawyer.'” WantSaidPresidentDaughterResponseLawyerRidiculousMy DaughterPresident ObamaCowsSheepGoatsMarrying Author:Conan O'Brien
“First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK.” FirstsPresidentWorryExerciseVicesVideoBagsVice PresidentFirst LadyBidenPunchingPunching Bag Author:Conan O'Brien