Home / Quotes / Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

“What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.”

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Author

Jerry Seinfeld, born on April 29, 1954, is a renowned American comedian, screenwriter, and producer. Known for his unique humor style and witty dialogue, he is best known for his sitcom 'Seinfeld'. Seinfeld's deep insights into everyday life and unique perspectives on human relationships have won him the affection of audiences worldwide. more

You May Also Like

“Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."”

Thinking Guy Order Next Pay Bills Sorry Restaurants Next Time Waiter Tipping

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?”

Persons Eye Animal Seeing Dog Please Blind Blind Person

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?”

Ifs Beach Seats Devices Airline Cushions

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?”

Shows Turns Company Tvs Phones Radio Stations Ads Tv Shows Telephones Turn-on Radio Stations

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?”

Space Okay Parks Illegal Bathroom Parking Handicapped Parking Space

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"”

Thinking Persons I Can Light Would Be Moving Progress Fronts Couple Late Sitting Red Coffee Nine Destination Inches Compelled Danish Pull Ups Red Lights

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."”

Men I Can Done Happens Stuff Waiting Baby Drink Milk Cows Calves Drink Milk

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!”

Stills Guy White Clothes Blue Clean Improving Laundry Flakes Laundry Detergent

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“If you have lost your life, remember that He promises that you will find it.”

Ifs Remember Lost Promise

Author:Elisabeth Elliot

“I think of the love of God as a great river, pouring through us even as the waters pour through our ravine at floodtime. Nothing can keep this love from pouring through us, except of course our own blocking of the river. Do you sometimes feel that you have got to the end of your love for someone who refuses and repulses you? Such a thought is folly, for one cannot come to the end of what one has not got. We have no store of love at all. We are not jugs, we are riverbeds.”

Thinking Feels Ends Sometimes Courses Water Rivers Refuse Stores Block God Love Folly Pouring Jugs

Author:Amy Carmichael