“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.” Quote by Greg Behrendt
“I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.” MeanRealPrisoner Author:Greg Behrendt
“There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.” MenWorldUseEyeThreeRope Author:Greg Behrendt
“Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.” PeopleWantChildrenSeemsBehindsWife Author:Greg Behrendt
“It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.” PeoplePretendingInsects Author:Greg Behrendt
“My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.” HandsMightFatherFailingBasketballDaughterMy DaughterBats Author:Greg Behrendt
“Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?” KnowsRealPlayGenerationsMinutesRocksPleaseTasteGayVampireRacistWeekendThis GenerationMetallicaTaste In MusicGravitasPro Gay Author:Greg Behrendt
“She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.” NightMovedCaughtPlusOne NightMinusDriveway Author:Greg Behrendt
“I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.” IfsMightSpeakLanguageBoatPhrasesDepartmentCakeVehicleMotorRegisterMotor Vehicles Author:Greg Behrendt
“My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.” WayYearsTwoGirlListeningTwo YearsTomsOld FashionedChasingBuddyChasing A Girl Author:Greg Behrendt
“I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!” IfsInformationDrinkingBreakupTonightJust SayingBooze Author:Greg Behrendt