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Who Am I? Dissociative Identity Disorder Survivor

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Angel Ploetner

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“Some dissociative parts of the personality, living in trauma time, may experience the same emotion no matter the situation, such as fear, rage, shame, sadness, yearning and even some positive ones just as joy.”

“On one level, accepting that I was one of several — possibly hundreds of — personalities turned my head inside out. It was like trying to catch your breath standing under a waterfall. There was too much information to take it all in at once. I needed time to process - but time was the thing I was always missing. On the other hand, it explained so much I felt a weight rise from my shoulders. It wasn't like the diagnosis for schizophrenia, which I'd always instinctively known was wrong. This feels right.”

“Like many people trying to understand DID, Oprah wondered if the different personalities were the different facets of Kim coming to life. In other words, one of us is Angry Kim, one of us is Sad Kim or Happy Kim or Worried Kim, and so on, and we come to life when the body is in those moods. That's not how it works. We're not Mr Men - we can't (in most cases) be defined by a single characteristic. We're rounded human beings, with happy sides to our personalities, frivolous sides, angry sides, reflective sides. Oprah couldn't hide her surprise. 'Like a normal person?' she said. 'Yes,' I replied, 'because I consider myself to be normal.”

“Steve said he was glad that I trusted him to develop relationships with the other personalities. He knew that my acceptance of them was a sign of greater health, but he really liked me best and wanted to know when I'd be integrated—when the other personalities would be gone. "Look, Steve," I said, "whether you like it or not, all of the personalities are part of this entity. No personality is ever going to disappear." "What about Robin and Reagen? Little Joe?" he asked. "Those personalities were absorbed, not exiled. No one inside will ever disappear. We're all real. We all matter.”