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Quote by Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

“In their effort to avoid conflicts, they have avoided intimacy. They can feel numb to a spouse’s needs. Messages become jumbled and can eventually almost stop being taken in by the AVP.”

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

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Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

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“To the significant other, the confusion can become enormous. They “hear” the AVP say, I want it, but I don’t. I want it all, not just some. I’m too overwhelmed; I can’t get what I really want. Poor me. I can’t deal with this, and you, too. I’m tired. I’m bored. I don’t care about your situation. Calm down. We don’t need emotions here. Only controlled access is allowed. These statements may or may not be said, but they are acted out.”

Confusion Emotional Abuse Psychological Abuse Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Author:Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

“They can be seen as givers in their inability to confront situations. This can have a benefit of appearing to be trying in a relationship, yet distancing themselves. This ultimately exhausts them and overwhelms them to the point of poor me.”

Victim Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“This means that emotional hoarding is occurring. How to balance the needs of others is difficult for them. Therefore, more AVPs need psychological treatment to assist on an ongoing basis. Add to this the fact that the spouse of the AVP recognizes the AVP has times of clarity. This just increases anxiety and defensiveness for both when the needed clarity is gone.”

Anxiety Defensiveness Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“The AVP’s ambivalence extends to displaying affection. They can at once show interest and then shut this interest off when the spouse responds more intimately. The spouse is left with feelings of disappointment and discouragement, annoyance, and confusion.”

Intimacy Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“The AVP often has intestinal issues. The intestines are indeed a second brain and need a significant amount of support. It may be interesting to note the polyvagal theory of Steven Porges (2011), who wrote about the tenth cranial nerve, which runs from the brain to the gut. Negative responses in the gut can occur when flight/fight/freeze responses are automatically activated.”

Illness Negativity Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder Digestive System

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“When you stop seeking outside answers, the universe begins to speak from within.”

Inspiration Spirituality Consciousness Mindfulness Awakening

Author:Tayser Bataineh

“Judgment is literal, even in and with their own health. When someone wants and needs calm or regulation, there is an atmosphere of constraint created. When someone’s regulation is in part a self-created world, the other is now in uncertain territory. In an effort to diffuse the tensions, the AVP will often project an attitude of not caring and one of being overwhelmed.”

Overwhelmed Avoidant Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“Empathy is difficult for the AVP. They do care about others and can be very aware of emotional content. AVPs are capable of expressing empathetic thought, though it is usually short lived. Their thoughts are often racing and difficult to find. They vacillate between what is fair or not. You might see an AVP give more empathy to a distant relative at an event than the significant other. They do care, but the feeling of that care response can be problematic. They are still hiding, balancing, and are fearful of rejection. Interactions rarely are confronted or dealt with.”

Rejection Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“Both men and women AVPs are emotionally silent. The notable loss of intimacy is reported by the spouse of the AVP. These day-to-day losses are very wearing on the spouse.”

Intimacy Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“AVPs will hold the spouse accountable for “wrong” action. This is true even if the spouse felt he or she was supporting the AVP. The AVP is hypersensitive. They do have a continued suspiciousness of others and what they might do to them. This, in turn, maintains a fairly consistent internal defensive posture.”

Suspicious Hypersensitivity Avoidant Avoidant Attachment Avoidant Personality Disorder Hypersensitive

Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Source: Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

Quote by Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen

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