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Defensiveness Quotes

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Defensiveness Quotes

“Any negative feedback stings, but feedback that doesn’t align with who you are at your core can hurt even worse because you feel misunderstood. How you react to the feedback and what you do afterwards will impact your career trajectory at the company. Your first instinct may be to rebut, defend, or explain the behaviors that led to the feedback. But perceptions don’t change because of explanations or more information; they change over time after you adjust your actions and behaviors.”

ChangeWorkExplanationFeedbackWorkingDefensivenessBeing MisunderstoodNegative Feedback
Author:Marlo Lyons
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“Criticism of the traditional male role is often mistaken for criticism of men themselves. When this happens, men understandably become defensive, push away any discussion of gender, and are unable to hear women's appeals for change. Any gender-role discussion quickly becomes a women's problem, and the issue is repressed by men who feel unjustly accused, and by women who are afraid of men's disapproval and anger.”

MenWomenCommunicationGenderGender RolesGender StereotypesDefensiveness
Book:Experiences in Relatedness: Groupwork and the Person-Centred Approach
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“We often hear of someone saying, ‘So you don’t trust me’ or ‘Are you questioning my integrity?’ or ‘You don’t believe me.’ They get defensive and angry because someone questions their actions, and they think they are above being questioned or having to prove their trustworthiness. But none of us is above questioning.”

QuestioningLiarAbove The LawDefensivenessSense Of EntitlementLack Of IntegrityConfrontationalAbove QuestioningAbove Suspicion
Book:Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
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“This means that emotional hoarding is occurring. How to balance the needs of others is difficult for them. Therefore, more AVPs need psychological treatment to assist on an ongoing basis. Add to this the fact that the spouse of the AVP recognizes the AVP has times of clarity. This just increases anxiety and defensiveness for both when the needed clarity is gone.”

AnxietyDefensivenessAvoidantAvoidant AttachmentAvoidant Personality Disorder
Book:Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder
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“Unable to face the paltriness of our lives, it is simpler to bask in a fleeting pleasure dome than labor endlessly to create worthy secular testimonies demonstrating that a life well lived does in fact have intrinsic value. Regardless of what providence has in store, dense men such as me fritter away their lives hoping to capture eroticism’s delights. It is less taxing to rummage through the garbage dump picking amidst the trash heap of life’s inglorious scandals than it is to delve into penetrating our defensive shells.”

MemoirDenialMeaning Of LifeJourney Of LifeMemoir WritingStory Of My LifePleasures Of LifeDefensivenessSelf ExaminationDefense Mechanism
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Don't let a Narcissist, or any other kind of vampire, get away with nonverbal disapproval. Unspoken communication has much more power than mere words because it is ambiguous. If a Narcissist says you did something wrong, you can at least disagree. If he only hints at it, you are left wondering if what you're seeing really means what you think it does, or if the whole thing is somehow your fault, or whatever else you might be imagining. ... Translate rather than pointing the finger. This is the tricky part because it is subtle, but it will make all the difference. An unsubstantiated accusation of an internal state, like, "You're bored," invites defensiveness. A translation, like, "You keep looking at the clock; I'm assuming you're bored," is much harder to deny. A Histrionic might try, but other kinds of vampires will have to concede that they are indeed looking at the clock.”

DefensivenessStrategiesNonverbal Communication
Book:Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry
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“The detection of a person as safe or dangerous triggers neurobiologically determined pro-social or defensive behaviors. Even though we may not always be aware of danger on a cognitive level, on a neurophysiological level, our body has already started a sequence of neural processes that would facilitate adaptive defense behaviors such as fight, flight or freeze.”

PtsdDefensivenessDangerous PeopleDefensiveFight Or FlightNeurophysiologyPolyvagal TheoryFight Flight FreezeUnsafe PeopleFreeze ResponseFight Or Flight Responsive
Book:The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation
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“A person whom fails to conquer oneself will always live in fear, and experiences life filled with conflict and emotional storms. Fearfulness prevents a person from perceiving reality and ever knowing oneself. Unable to cope with fear and uncertainty, a person resorts to denial, repression, compromise, and hides behind the mask of a false self.”

DenialSelf ControlRepresentationSelf MasteryDefensivenessDefense MechanismsDefensiveSelf Mastery QuotesFalse SelfSelf Master
Book:Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Laine had been very proud of herself last night. Nicholas had talked about ghosts and magic and woven a bit of a spell himself. He'd sounded so convincing, so logical, so sad, that she'd found herself wanting to believe him. But testing prods at his argument had made him angry, and long years with Gavin had taught her that angry, defensive people shared the lousy habit of being wrong.”

PrideAngerSupernaturalCharismaUntruthDefensivenessConningWariness
Author:Stephen M. Irwin
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“The greatest thing I learned while taking classes at Second City was the very first thing they taught: 'Yes, and...'. In improv, you keep scenes alive but accepting whatever you are given and then adding to it or amplifying it. There is no space on stage for 'No,' 'I'm sorry, you're mistaken,' or 'Yes, but...'. Those transitions kill energy, set up interpersonal conflict, engage the ego in a defensive posture, and stymie the flow of conversation onstage.”

Life LessonsCommunication SkillsGood AdviceDefensivenessInterpersonal RelationshipsImprovInterpersonal Communication
Book:How to Self-Destruct: Making the Least of What's Left of Your Career
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“To switch effectively from defense to social engagement strategies, the nervous system must do two things: (1) assess risk, and (2) if the environment looks safe, inhibit the primitive defensive reactions to fight, flight or freeze.”

DistrustMistrustNervous SystemTrust IssuesDefensivenessDangerous PeopleDefensiveInterpersonal RelationshipsWithdrawnPolyvagal TheoryFight Flight FreezeSocial EngagementFear RapeImage PeopleInterpersonal ProblemsNeutral Circuits
Book:The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation
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“In I'm Not A Racist, But..., Lawrence Blum offers answers for our time about what race is, who is a racist, and ways for people to talk about the racialized features of our society without falling into name-calling or defensiveness. With exemplary moral and analytic clarity, Blum offers educators, students, lawyers, judges, leaders, and citizens tools for building a nation of equality, comity, and respect for each person.”

PeopleWayPersonsFallNamesNationsAnswersRaceLeaderMoralStudentsBuildingJudgingCitizensCallingOffersToolsLawyerClarityFeaturesOur TimeOur SocietyRacistEducatorAnalyticsExemplaryName CallingDefensiveness
Author:Martha Minow
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“When you have an authority figure tell you something that distinguishes you, there's a little bit of a badge of courage or pride point that comes with it, and also some relief that the grownups actually have an answer for the problem. But, at the same time, there's suspicion and defensiveness, like, Why is the way I do things a problem? Maybe the way you do things is the problem. All of these things come with the very notion that you've been described.”

WayLittlesProblemBitsAnswersFiguresPrideAuthorityLittle BitNotionReliefSuspicionBadgesGrownupsDefensivenessAuthority Figures
Author:Lucy Corin
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“It is very, very rare where a slight that turns into a grudge that is in need of forgiveness is only about one of the parties. In most of our day-to-day situations - with colleagues at work, with your partner, with your children, with your friends - most of the time, if you really got down with each other and put aside your pride and your defensiveness and you had those hard conversations, you'd find a place where both people had something to ask for forgiveness from the other and to forgive the other.”

PeopleChildrenPartySituationPrideOur ChildrenForgivingYour ChildrenGrudgeAsking For ForgivenessDefensiveness
Author:Elizabeth Lesser
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“Cynicism and defensiveness are two things constantly levelled at me. Look, I've got time for people, I'm good mannered. I usually find that when you're down, nobody has a bloody minute for you. If I was a nobody, you wouldn't even talk to me. People, in general, don't like you being upfront and civil. They hate you for it. They label you a cynic 'cos you're reasonable.”

PeopleHateLike YouGood ManCynicismBloodyHate YouTalk To MeCynicDefensiveness
Author:Nick Cave
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“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”

IfsWayActionNamesIgnoranceCommunicationProtectUltimateGuiltResponseProtectionDestructiveDevicesImpotenceContinuationNot GuiltyDefensivenessFeeling Guilty
Book:Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches
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“Whenever I allow anything but tenderness and compassion to dictate my response to life--be it self-righteous anger, moralizing, defensiveness, the pressing need to change others...I am alienated from my true self. My identity as Abba's child [a child of God] becomes ambiguous, tentative and confused”

NeedsChildrenSelfLife IsCompassionIdentityResponseConfusedRighteousTendernessTrue SelfChild Of GodNeed A ChangeAmbiguousSelf RighteousAbbaDefensivenessMoralizingRighteous Anger
Author:Brennan Manning
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