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After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship

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Daniel B. Wile

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“Before I leave the bathroom, I pinch my cheeks hard to bring blood to the surface of my skin. It’s stupid, but I don’t want to look weak and exhausted in front of everyone. When I walk back into Tobias’s room, Uriah is sprawled across the bed facedown; Christina is holding the blue sculpture above Tobias’s desk, examining it; and Lynn is poised above Uriah with a pillow, a wicked grin creeping across her face. Lynn smacks Uriah hard in the back of the head, Christina says, “Hey Tris!” and Uriah cries, “Ow! How on earth do you make a pillow hurt, Lynn?” “My exceptional strength,” she says. “Did you get smacked, Tris? One of your cheeks is bright red.” I must not have pinched the other one hard enough. “No, it’s just … my morning glow.”

“I don’t know your heart… I don’t know your likes, your struggles, or even your dreams. I don’t even know your favorite food. But I want to spend a lifetime — a hundred years — beside you, learning every little thing about you. I want to understand you, stand with you, and be your strength in everything. And if life has to end, I wish for my last breath to be taken before your eyes. #devipriyankachinta #arkakiran #sumedha #chakrA”

“There are little things nobody warns you about when you’re waiting your turn to die: how you’ll miss a heavy homemade quilt, stitched just right, covering two bodies; how you’ll wait for evening light to fall on the painted walls of a shared bedroom; how you’ll hear the song of finches and a woman’s voice cluster in your head long after they’re gone; how you’ll remember the taste of Southern honest-to-God good cooking shared between two bowls and two plates and two sets of spoons, forks, and knives; how you’ll forget the way the air smells when there’s nothing but love pouring out your lungs because there’s no one left to breathe in all that love.”

“در کتاب های خودیار به زنانی که نگران از دست دادن شوهران خود هستند توصیه می شود اسرارآمیزتر باشند و کاری کنند که رفتارشان قابل پیش بینی نباشد. به زن ها توصیه نمی شود نگرانی های خود را با شوهرشان در میان بگذارند. به جای آن به آنها می گویند که کاری صورت دهند. من مخالف راه های عمل گرا نیستم. خود من همیشه از این شیوه استفاده می کنم. روی هم رفته رو به رو شدن با مسائل ارتباطی دشوار است و هر اقدامی برای رفع این مشکل ارزشمند است. اما از آن جایی که این راه حل ها موقتی هستند اغلب موثر واقع نمی شوند.”

“مسئله ی روابط زن و شوهر خود از دو مسئله ناشی می شود: (۱) خود مسئله و (۲) طرزی که درباره ی مسئله حرف می زنیم ( یا حرف نمی زنیم). طرز صحبت کردن یا نکردن شما درباره ی یک مسئله اغلب بخش عمده مسئله است.”