“Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?” KnowsComedyBabyCleanSmellShirtsCleaningDid You Know Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them.” PeopleComedyBaby Author:Paul Reiser
“I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It's better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.” WantComedyMaterialsBabyBasketballNewsBoringChampionBeesSpellingHorrific Author:Tina Fey
“But the way they phrase those things when you get to the voting booth, you don't know which way you're voting, cause it's like, "Should we not eat unbabies not on this not day?" .... So you vote no on it, and then it's on the news the next day. "Well, 74% of Americans have decided it's time to eat babies."” KnowsWayShouldWellsFunnyNextCausesComedyBabyNewsDecidedVotePhrasesVotingNext Day Author:Kyle Cease
“I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."” ThinkingKnowsFunnyAnimalComedyPlanetsBabyFemaleScientistYeahBillsMalesStubbornAssistantsDid You KnowHaving A Baby Author:Jim Gaffigan
“You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?” KnowsKidsFunnyComedyBabyNewspapersDid You KnowDiapersPoop Author:Larry the Cable Guy
“A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.” ThinkingWorldBitsComedyTroubleBabyMachinesViewers Author:Jerry Lewis
“Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.” AgeMistakeComedyBabyFunny Life Author:Jerry Seinfeld
“Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'” LifeNeedsLittlesStillsHumorFunnyComedyHavensBabyTravelBeachVacationNeed A Vacation Author:Steven Wright