“Admittedly, I do have several bones... whole war fields full of bones, in fact... to pick with organised religion of whatever stripe. This should be seen as a critique of purely temporal agencies who have, to my mind, erected more obstacles between whatever notion of spirituality and Godhead one subscribes to than they have opened doors. To me, the difference between Godhead and the Church is the difference between Elvis and Colonel Parker... although that conjures images of God dying on the toilet, which is not what I meant at all.” ShouldMindWarWholeFactsSpiritualityDifferencesChurchDoorsDyingFieldsPicksNotionObstaclesBonesAgencyToiletsCritiqueGod ImageStripesOrganisedColonelsOpened DoorsOrganised Religion Author:Alan Moore
“There is no knowing beyond that membrane, the meniscus of death. What can be seen from here is distorted, refracted. All we can know are those untrustworthy glimpses--that and rumour. The prattle. The dead gossip: it is the reverberation of that gossip against the surface tension of death that the better mediums hear. It is like listening to whispered secrets through a toilet door. It is a crude and muffled susurrus.” KnowsDeathSecretKnowingDoorsListeningSurfaceMediumsTensionGossipGlimpseToiletsCrudeRumoursUntrustworthyMembranesReverberation Author:China Mieville
“when I walk into an apartment with books on the shelves, books on the bedside tables, books on the floor, and books on the toilet tank, then I know what I would see if I opened the door that says Private - grownups keep out: a children sprawled on the bed, reading.” IfsKnowsChildrenBookReadingWalksDoorsBedTablesReading BooksApartmentShelvesToiletsTanksGrownups Author:Anne Fadiman
“You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.” EnoughHomeWould BeKidsNightCertainFunParentEffortMorningDoorsFeetFrontsMountainPaperIncludingDecadesNeighborThanksHaving FunNeighborhoodPoundsEggsCoveredThickLayersCreamHalloweenToiletsConcealedSuppliesFront DoorsShavingToilet PaperSomaliaVandalismHalloween NightShaving Cream Author:Dave Barry
“What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!” IfsWholeShowsHumorFunnyChoicesDoorsWallSittingTrainPrizeLockedMultipleToiletsSlidesAnything GoesQuizMultiple ChoiceUnveilingQuiz Show Author:Frankie Boyle
“When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.” SoundDoorsWindowToilets Author:Dana Gould
“It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.” KnowsWantSometimesUseDoorsOkayRestaurantsToilets Author:Carlos Mencia