“I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather clerk's factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere if they don't get it...” IfsThinkingKnowsBelieveMadeCountryHumorClothesEnglandExperimentsWeatherBoardsCustomsMakersArticlesFactoriesElsewhereGood ArtNew EnglandClerksApprentice Author:Mark Twain
“I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!"” PeopleIfsThinkingMenShouldMeanPlayHumorWantedFunnyAsksFireBearsJokesEnglandForestsRepresentativesFrogsPreventionHoppingForest Fires Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.” MenMayLongHumorFunnyExpressionOceanLong TimeEnglandSizeCome UpShipsBeing TrueHoney Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand.” StillsHomeHumorHandsFunnyBeautifulClassProveEnglandUpper ClassUpper Hand Author:Noel Coward
“Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.” KindCountryMomentsDreamHumorFunnyLastsPoorQualityBrokenColdLateEnglandBottomWeatherHolidayOnlineWildernessRetirementPieGreyPollsQuality Of LifePublic ServiceEuropean CountriesBroken DreamsHealth ServicesPoor Health Author:Bill Bailey
“Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.” PeopleHumorFunnySufferingEnglandUnimaginableFortnight Author:Russell Howard
“England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.” HumorFunnyEnglandUnusualStanding Out Author:Emo Philips
“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'” IfsHumorFunnyCrimeGunEnglandPoliceCommitLaw Enforcement Author:Robin Williams
“Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife.” HumorFunnyBeautifulWifeStupidMarriedEnglandBeing MarriedIgnorance Is BlissBeautiful Wife Book:With Malice Toward Some Source: With Malice Toward Some