“If I do get a handgun, I can take it to the sheriff's department, and in about as much time as it would take me to order a value meal at Wendy's, they will give me a concealed-carry license. There will be no screening at all to see whether I'm qualified to carry a gun in public - which I absolutely am not. That's one of the reasons I haven't gotten a gun in the first place: I don't know how to use one.” IfsKnowsGivingFirstsI CanReasonUseValuesOrderKnow HowHavensGunGive MeMealsDepartmentTake MeLicenseQualifiedConcealedScreeningHandgunsSheriffsWendyConcealed Carry Author:Jonathan Gottschall
“I was a grunt, walking around in the jungle of Vietnam, trying not to find the enemy. Because I am so big, they were going to give me either a heavy radio or a huge machine gun to carry. I carried a radio.” GivingTryingBigsEnemyHugeWalkingGunMachinesGive MeRadioHeavyVietnamJungleMachine GunsGrunt Author:Bob Gunton
“I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."” WantGivingHumorFunnyWinningRichGunGive MeCuteDimples Author:Mitch Hedberg
“My parents won’t let me have a motorcycle, but they give me all the guns I want. I asked them for a motorcycle last Christmas and they told me I’d only kill myself. They got me this twelve-gauge instead.” WantGivingLastsParentGunLet MeGive MeTwelveMotorcycleGauges Author:Scott Thompson
“The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."” GivingSaidHumorFunnyMoneyGunGive MeStoresDepartmentHallsVaultsPricingDepartment StoresHairballs Author:Steven Wright
“I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!” GivingWritingSaidStillsWarWholeLastsSufferingFiveCrazyMinutesGunGive MeArmyShockWoundedFive MinutesWipePsychiatrist Author:Jackie Mason
“My parents couldn't give me a whole lot of financial support, but they gave me good genes. My dad is a handsome son-of-a-gun, and my mom is beautiful. And I've definitely been the lucky recipient. So, thank you, Mom and Dad.” GivingWholeBeautifulParentSupportSonMomDadLuckyGunGive MeMy DadFinancialMy MomThanksGenesHandsomeMom And DadFinancial SupportGood Genes Author:Ashton Kutcher
“Give me the gun." Ranger said. I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over. Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. "It's warm," he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition. Am I fired?" No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.” GivingSaidHandsKeysGunGive MeWarmHeatPantsGlovesRangers Author:Janet Evanovich
“Sanzo to Gojyo: And give me my gun back. I don't want your idiocy getting all over it.” WantGivingGunGive MeOver ItIdiocy Author:Kazuya Minekura