Home / Topics / Lawyer Jokes Quotes

Lawyer Jokes Quotes

Browse 14 quotes about Lawyer Jokes.

Lawyer Jokes Quotes

“It is hard for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle ― without high-priced legal help.”

Humor Wealth Lawyers Bible Verse Lawyer Jokes

Author:George Hammond

“I can see why so many lawyers throw themselves into the river. With all of this fabric weighing them down they’ll sink straight to the bottom.” Alysia sent me an unimpressed look. “I’m a lawyer, you know?” “Then you probably know a few jokes at your own expense.”

Humor Funny Insult Joke Clothing Lawyers Lawyer Jokes

Book:Protected

Source: Protected

“The land was torn apart in a legal dispute. Soon it was so devastated, nothing could live here- not plant or animal. Only lawyers. But eventually the place fell into lawlessness, and lawyers can't exist in an area of lawlessness, so they went feral. Some say they still roam the land. You'll suddenly hear someone yell, 'Objection!' and then you'll be torn apart like an improperly witnessed contract.”

Humorous Quotes Lawyers Lawlessness Feral Lawyer Jokes Objection

Author:Frank J. Fleming

“Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it.”

Gabriel Omens Lawyer Jokes Kelley Armstrong

Book:Omens

Source: Omens

“Nurse: "You look like a pharmaceutical rep. you can leave samples in the closet." Joe: "I'm actually a lawyer." Nurse: "My condolences.”

Book:Lone Wolf

Source: Lone Wolf

“I wouldn’t call Gabriel Walsh if I was on fire.” She pursed her lips. “No, I might. To sue everyone responsible—from the person who lit the match to those who made my clothes. But I’d wait until the fire was out. Otherwise, he’d just stand there until I was burned enough for a sizable settlement.”

Grace Gabriel Olivia Suing Lawyer Jokes

Book:Omens

Source: Omens

“Arguing with a lawyer is not the hardest thing in the world; not arguing is.”

Argument Arguing Debate Lawyers Debates Lawyer Jokes

Author:Raheel Farooq

“A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.”

Humor Law Lawyer Judge Lawyer Jokes

Book:Blackjack & Moonlight

Source: Blackjack & Moonlight

“Lawyers forever overestimate their own intelligence and underestimate their clients'.”

Lawyers Lawyer Jokes

Author:Portia Porter, Can You Stiff Your Divorce Lawyer

“The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client.”

Humour Lawyer Jokes

Author:Joseph Hansen

“Lawyer's credo: Anyone can sue anyone for anything.”

Lawyer Lawyer Jokes

Book:5th Horseman

Source: 5th Horseman

“Twain please!" Peck blubbered. "It was never personal. It was just business!" "Oh Peck, do you think I'm mad at you? I"m a lawyer. I don't get mad. I don't get even." Twain gave him a wicked smile. " I sue people.”

Humor Twain Lawyer Jokes

Book:William Bradshaw and Fool's Gold

Source: William Bradshaw and Fool's Gold

“Hold on, hold on, there must be a law against killing lawyers." "Are you sure?" "There're still some around, aren't there?”

Book:The Truth

Source: The Truth

“He was so clean and healthy and pleased about everything that he positively shone - which is only to be expected in a fairy or an angel, but is somewhat disconcerting in an attorney.”

Magic Positivity Lawyer Jokes

Book:Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

Source: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell