“I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.” IfsThinkingDoeHumorFunnyOpinionTomorrowJokesStoresBreadCapabilityDucksConvenienceBeaversLet Him GoTowTomorrow Brings Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.” SaidI CanHumorKidsFunnyOpinionDoctorsHospitals Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.” KnowsTwoHumorFunnyEnjoyOpinionFiveMagicSeriousDrinkDancingTricksBiographiesMikeWildlifeMagic Tricks Author:Mike Birbiglia