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Wife Quotes

“Early in my career when we went to golf tournaments and charity dinners I noticed businessmen and executives would give the players their cards. Well, they're giving you their cards for a reason. I said to my wife, 'All the guys get these cards and then when they get to the parking lot they rip them up or throw them away. It's really weird.' My wife .. said maybe you should just sign a picture and mail it to them. You know, 'Great playing golf with you,' or whatever. So, I did and lo and behold some of those guys I sent pictures to way back then are now CEOs at big companies.”

“I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.”

Years Fighting Left Wife Terrible My Wife Finished Cards New Year New Years Eve Love And Marriage Christmas Card Procrastinator

Author:Robert Orben

“Being married to those sleepy-souled women is just like playing at cards for nothing: no passion is excited and the time is filled up. I do not, however, envy a fellow one of those honeysuckle wives for my part, as they are but creepers at best and commonly destroy the tree they so tenderly cling about.”

Passion Wife Tree Married Fellows Filled Excited Envy Cards Being Married Sleepy Filled Up Creepers

Book:The Life of Samuel Johnson, LL. D.: Including a Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

Source: The Life of Samuel Johnson, LL. D.: Including a Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

“Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.”

Today Wife Plans Fool Gold Proof Cards Deficit Wipe John Kerry Fool Proof

Author:Craig Kilborn

“If I wanted to see your emails or your wife's phone, all I have to do is use intercepts. I can get your emails, passwords, phone records, credit cards.”

Ifs I Can Use Wanted Records Wife Phones Credit Cards Email Credit Card Nsa Passwords Government Spying

Author:Edward Snowden

“I watch so much television. My DVR is full. I love putting my kids to bed, so I can sit on the couch with my wife and we can dissect The Affair, The Americans, House of Cards, or whatever it is. I'm so lucky.”

I Can Kids House Watches Wife Television Lucky Bed Affair My Wife Cards Couches So Lucky House Of Cards

Author:Scott Foley

“I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man, we were having a perfectly lovely dinner; he looked up and me and went: You're not my wife! Another guy died during dinner. I had to go in his pocket to get the American Express card. Then you wonder: What would he tip? Another guy said: I want you to meet my family, and took me to the cemetery.”

Men Want Said Guy Left Wonder Wife My Family Died Dinner My Wife Lovely Teeth Cards Necks Pockets I Want You Going Out Another Man Other Guys Cemetery Old Guys American Express

Author:Joan Rivers

“Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.”

Way Facts Bigs Faces Half Fire Cutting Wife Credit Debt Cards Pairs Erase Credit Card Scissors Credit Card Debt

Book:New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer

Source: New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer