“Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”
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Famous Robert Orben Quotes
“New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!”
“What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?”
“You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.”
“Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.”
Source: 2500 jokes to start 'em laughing
“Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?”
“The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.”
Source: 2500 jokes to start 'em laughing
“It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.”
“Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.”
“I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.”
Source: 2000 new laughs for speakers: the ad-libber's handbook
“When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.”
Source: 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches
“Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.”
“The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.”
“Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?”
Source: 2500 jokes to start 'em laughing
“An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.”
Source: 2000 new laughs for speakers: the ad-libber's handbook