Quotessence
Home / Authors / Christopher Titus
Christopher Titus

Christopher Titus Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllDadIfsKnowsMy DadPeopleGuyFatherMenWellsNormalHeyMomParentThinkingYearsDiesPhilosophyKidsLittlesLooks

Famous Christopher Titus Quotes

“My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!”

ThinkingMenI CanKidsWantedUsedHouseLeftBlackWhiteRoomsMorningFiveFourTvsMomDadMarriedThirdsMy DadBoxesDivorceAssGradesBreakfastBlack And WhiteCaptainsSurvivedFurnitureDivorcedCouchesLiving RoomRubberCrunchThird GradeSleepovers
Author:Christopher Titus
Create image

“Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.”

ThinkingKnowsWorldShouldWellsTwoDifferentCountryMightTogetherCulturePerfectLike YouToughHarmonyWork OutAll TimeHolidayStrongestProsperousPilgrimDifferent CulturesPerfect HarmonyProsperous Country
Author:Christopher Titus
Create image

“Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad, wassup ? He's thinking, Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine. Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh.”

ThinkingKnowsMenWayNeedsLooksEnoughTogetherCoursesFatherWaterNaturalEnemyMinesSonDadSpeciesHeyGirlfriendSwimOld ManSharksThighsFrenzyYour DadFather And SonSurferNatural Enemies
Author:Christopher Titus
Create image