“He sniffed until the long hairs of his mustache had been sucked up into his nose and out of his leafy ears." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Her eyes were dark, corrupt, fathomless and all of that other evil crap. Mostly all of that other evil crap.” Bats Author:Fred Barnett
“The figure hanging upside down at the top of the great hall had ‘f’n had it’ with the corpulent little blood dumplings! —Bats” Bats Author:Fred Barnett
“She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie" — BATS” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“...an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess’s nether regions. — BATS 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“They’re dogs. Never trust a man. Even when he’s dead. Especially when he’s dead. — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“You’re going to show up to a duel, in the street, wearing Come F—k Me Heels?" — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Depart, Satan,' she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Wichtor’s been cranky ever since a fat vulture roosted on his granite Cârnat, uh, schmekel in 1864 and broke it off." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Vlad was sexting Elizabeth a picture of his pulă rigiditate, while he told Mina. “I vould like totally hang up on the dude. He’s no Baldwin." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“We won’t be able to sleep without the sound of her self-loathing orgasms crying out into the night." —Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“I was afraid that your buns were blown all the way to the Bardot Museum in Paris, where they put them on display, and then….” Mina said, “Were they displayed like this?" —Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Grrrrowpt.” said dead Penelope. Dead Huthbert nodded, and hugged her. She moved his dusty hand from her dusty ass." — BATS 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Gentle With Them Thar Spurs'—a sequel to 'Riders of the Purple Sau-Sage.' Spurs was the feminist novel of its day…which was Tuesday." —Bats 2015” WesternVampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Purrrrrrrr” Elizabeth kneaded Vlad's pecs. “I hear a Kitty!” Vlad’s eyes sprung open. There was a moment of hurt, of sad. There was no kitty. “You’re teasing me!" — Bats” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn’t lazy. She was actually dead." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett