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Jessica Speer Books

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“The best word to describe middle school friendships is CHANGE. Personalities change, interests change, groups change, and even moods change all the time.”

“All friendships naturally change over time. But, like crushes, braces, and pimples, friendship changes are especially common in middle school.”

“Big emotions—like anger, fear, and sadness—can be really uncomfortable. But even uncomfortable feelings are okay. In fact, all emotions are okay. It just takes practice to manage uncomfortable emotions so you can respond in a healthy way.”

“Navigating conflict is not easy. If you decide to speak with the person you are in conflict with, find a private time and place to talk. Be sure not to involve others in the conflict. Practice what you plan to say so you are calm and confident. Your goal is to speak your truth, take responsibility for your part, and treat others with dignity. This is no easy task, but an important skill to practice over time.”

“Everyone has certain qualities that they are drawn to in friends. Keep an eye out for friends that have the qualities you find important in friendship. And, of course, being a good friend is the best way to attract and keep friends too.”

“When you notice you're thinking judgmental thoughts, pause. Try to catch yourself before you speak, text or do any harm. You can't get those words back.”

“We all have judgmental thoughts sometimes. And we all have the power to keep these thoughts to ourselves.”

“Sometimes, stress can be useful and inspire us to tackle challenges. But stress can also feel overwhelming, making us constantly worry about how things will turn out.”

“When stress feels overwhelming, it's important to find support and to take care of yourself while getting your stress level back to a manageable level.”

“All humans share a deep desire to be treated as something of value. Everyone wants to be seen, heard, listened to, and treated fairly.”

“Everyone looks for different things in friendship, but deep down, everyone is trying to find the same stuff; acceptance and belonging.”

“Whether you have been the target of aggressive behavior or the aggressor, this event does not define you. Every day brings a new opportunity to start again.”

“There's nothing wrong with being part of a group. Humans are social, so it's no surprise that people band together. In fact, many important human achievements, like the civil rights movement, are inspired by groups. But group behavior can also create a sense of division.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Apologize as needed and do better next time. The biggest lessons in life often grow out of mistakes.”

“If you’ve struggled in a friendship, you’re not alone. Most girls find that, sometimes, friendship feels like a roller coaster. One moment you’re climbing through fun and laughter; the next, you’re plunging into fear or frustration.”

“BFF, bestie, buddy—there are many ways to describe friends. But what really makes a “good” or “close” friend? And why do some friendships feel like a cozy robe, while others feel like a scary movie?”

“The top of the Friendship Pyramid, Close Friends, is small and may only include one or two friends. That’s because close friends are harder to find, and these friendships usually take longer to develop. Don’t worry if you haven’t found any close friends yet; many girls may not have any until middle school or even later.”

“When the dust settles, kids respect the kids who dare to say no to things they don't want to do.”

“Of course, mistakes and mess-ups are inevitable. Humans are imperfect, especially in middle school. Go easy on yourself and others. And when all else fails, connect with people and activities that make you smile.”