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Kare Anderson Biography

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“Say It So You Lift Your Spirits: Even non-Scandinavians and optimists can feel their moods dampen during the dark of night. Luckily there are some easy ways to lift your spirits. Here are three: 1. When describing something in the past, what role do you play in the story? Are more of your most retold stories anchored by a positively or a negatively felt incidents? Those who are most resilient, energetic, caring and involved with others tend to link their stories to redemptive themes. Those who are plagued by down moods often mark their stories with what went wrong and don't include a redeeming detail. These narrative themes affect our choices -- what we think we have to choose from -- and how others see us. 2. We each have many personalities inside us. Some situations enable us to use our best talents and display our best side. Instead of attempting to be a "virtuoso juggler" as many women do, discover the specific situations where you thrive. When you can identify those moments you are better able, like a defensive driver, to see potential danger farther ahead where situations or individuals spark your discomfort or worse. Conversely, knowing where you shine (temperament and talent) means you can make smarter choices about how you work and live -- and with whom. While Marcus Buckingham's book is intended for women, I know three male friends who have found it helpful in how they seek the situations that best serve them -- professionally, personally and socially. 3. We each have a set point along the continuum of pessimistic to optimistic. After winning the lottery or experiencing the death of a loved one, we eventually return to that set point.”

HappinessEmotionStorytellingUpliftingSay It Better
Book:Moving From Me to We
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“Brevity Is Best: Nicknamed "Silent Cal," President Calvin Coolidge was once challenged by a reporter, saying, "I bet someone that I could get more than two words out of you." Coolidge responded, "You lose." The notion of crafting six word memoirs really took off after Smith Magazine shared this poignant one written by Ernest Hemingway: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn." Pithiness Pays Off For Other Reasons: When required to be brief, for example, we gain clarity about what we really mean -- or have to offer. As Mark Twain once wrote, in a slower-paced time, "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

FameBrevityStand OutPithiness
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“People are far more revealing by the questions they ask than the answer they give. To get closer to understanding what is really on someone’s mind, answer their questions briefly so they ask follow-up questions. By their third question you’ll get a glimpse of their biggest fear or desire on the topic.”

DiversityUnderstanding OthersListening To OthersTrust BuildingUnlikely Allies
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“To boost bonding among others so they are more apt to work (or play) well together, ask them, when together, to do two powerfully simple things that can be done rather quickly: 1. Write down the ways they are like each other. Hint: Create a level playing field. Writing rather than immediately sharing helps slow thinkers keep up with fast thinkers. Fast thinkers aren't smarter, just different in their thinking processes, and each kind has advantages and pitfalls, so they can accomplish more together than when a majority in a group think and speak at the same speed. Hint: Salespeople are often fast thinkers. 2. Share with each other what they wrote, going around the circle, one by one. Bonus benefit: Other studies show that when you reflect on how you are similar to those with whom you are talking, you pay more attention to them. You care about them more. That spurs the other person to listen more closely to you.”

DiversityTeamworkBondingLikeability
Book:Mutuality Matters More Living a Happy, Meaningful and Satisfying Life With Others
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“Remember the many compartments of the heart, the seed of what is possible. So much of who we are is defined by the places we hold for each other. For it is not our ingenuity that sets us apart, but our capacity for love, the possibility our way will be lit by grace. Our hearts prisms, chiseling out the colors of pure light.”

KindnessCaringLeadership CharacteristicsConnectedness
Book:Getting What You Want: 2How to Reach Agreement and Resolve Conflict Every Time
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“Anchor Your Stories in Redemptive Themes So We Are Moved to Live Up to Them: Rather than making yourself the victim or the hero in the stories you tell, describe a daunting time of loss, crisis, or criticism or where you made a mistake or acted badly, yet you were eventually able to learn from it. Such stories show vulnerability and a desire to grow and live fully rather than in fear. Then that facet of you can be the place where others can positively and productively connect with you, hard-earned strengths firmly attached together. You can support each other in reinforcing redemptive characterizations and action.”

ResilienceStorytellingRedemption
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“Try This Counterintuitive Way To Be Well-Liked: One of the biggest misconceptions about connecting is seeking, first, to be liked. In fact, the counterintuitive way to get someone to like you is in knowing this core truth: If they like the way they feel when around you, they will like you. In fact, they will project onto you the character traits they most like in others, even if you have not yet exhibited them. Conversely, if they do not like the way they act when around you, they will instinctively blame you for it, regardless of the true reason. They will project onto you some of the qualities they most dislike in others. What's worse, they will go out of their way to prove they are right, even in ways that damage their reputation as well as yours.”

ConnectednessCharacteristics Of LeadershipWell Liked
Book:Mutuality Matters More Living a Happy, Meaningful and Satisfying Life With Others
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“The most productive, healthy and satisfying relationships are based, not on a quid pro quo but an ebb and flow of mutual support over time. Don’t just be a giver. Be an extremely helpful giver who demonstrates an awareness of what that person most needs.”

TeamworkCollaborationPartnershipMutual Respect
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“More than money, talent, or your number of contacts, your capacity to create mutuality with others can transform you into a sought-after Opportunity Maker with whom people most want to align. Be the glue that sticks the right teams together to solve problems or seize opportunities sooner and better together.”

AdmirationMutual RespectTeam LeaderInnovator
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“Create a clear explanation: Ask an expert & novice to craft it: Expert knows too much (curse of knowledge) and novice sees it with fresh eyes. Offer verbal snapshots that penetrate the mind and the gut in an instant then linger, leaving a bright after image. Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation usually determines how others see it, talk about it, and make decisions about it.”

MutualityQuotableBragging RightsMemorability
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“Quiet the chattering mind promotes directed action. We can't know which interactions will deepen into richer relationships, yet we can keep the faith that our mutuality mindset affirms them. Mutuality most demonstrates our humanity and, in the end, that may be what most matters in our lives.”

SuccessTrustAccomplishmentMutual Understanding
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“It is easier to act your way into a better feeling than to feel your way into a better way of acting. When certain feelings hinder you, look for other feelings to feel. Supplant your fear with a greater motivation. The more frequently we feel and do not act, the less often we will feel. Act genially in the face of rancor; you may be the only angel in that person’s life. What you practice projecting you are projecting and you become.”

MindfulnessGenialityConvivialityRoundedness
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“The stronger the signal you send yourself of your highest puThe stronger the signal you send yourself of your highest purpose, the more likely you are to notice ways to serve itrpose, the more likely you are to notice ways to serve it”

CollaborationMutualityOpportunity Makers
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“Speak sooner to sweet spot of shared interest to cultivate a meaningful connection, first step to creating something greater together. Share the story in which others see a role they want to play so they’ll re- share it to make it “our” story Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation usually determines how others see it, talk about it, and make decisions about it”

CollaborationMutualityOpportunity Makers
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“Stay sought-after by enabling others to proudly use their best talents together on things that matter to them. One way is to get employees to pair up on projects, thus cutting down silos and scaling up stronger performance -- plus these benefits: • Facilitates cross-training in a fast, natural and fun way. • Enables individuals in different parts of your organization to get to know more people in meaningful ways, and discover each other's best talents and favorite interests. • Prevents your organization from being hamstrung when a key expert leaves.”

MoralePeer To PeerTalent DevelopmentPerformance Enhancement
Book:Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others
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“Interestingness is the instigator, the hardy carrier pigeon that can carry your message most anywhere. Interestingness makes a message get heard above the noise. Money can't buy interestingness, yet vivid comparisons can create them. To make your self-label stick it must be more interesting than others' labels for you. The good news and the bad is that reputations can be ruined or lifted by how most anyone labels something or someone - as long the label is as vividly indelible as India ink. More than money, title or even good looks, your capacity to craft the most vivid characterization will make it bob, like a cork, to the top of the water of alternative messages. A janitor can become more famous and credible than a CEO. Use the "Compared to What?" cue to stick your label in other's minds, whether they intended to remember or not. Make your comparison: • Spark a specific mental picture • Evoke a positive emotion • Be unexpected • Be Brief”

Viral MessageMemorabilityQuotability
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