“If you see my truth as a sign of disrespect (because it conflicts with your truth), then nothing I can ever say can ever have an effect that isn't negative. Anything I say--voicing any other way of looking at things-- seems like defensiveness, entrenched obstinacy, disrespect. So I didn't contradict anything. Anything. I just took it all in.” LoveTruthTrustCommunicationPerspectiveListeningConflictRespectDisrespectMist Clears Author:Shellen Lubin
“It really helps if we can respect each other's perspectives. That alone can get us past so many impasses. Sometimes it can even help us find a new possibility we hadn't seen before; but even if not, sometimes it can help us at least see the other person's rationales; but even if not, sometimes it can help us just accept that another way of seeing it, of doing it, exists, functions, is effective for someone, even if not for us, even if we can't understand it. It really helps if we can respect each other's perspectives. But sometimes we can't. Then it really helps if we can trust each other's intentions, know that we want the best for each other as much as for ourselves even if we disagree on how to get there. It really helps if we can trust each other's intentions. But sometimes we can't.” LovePossibilityTrustPerspectiveRespectAdversityIntentionAcknowledgeDisagreementRespect The Mist Author:Shellen Lubin
“I often say that the thing we feel we most need in our lives may just be the thing that we haven't had enough of, and we may over-value it because we're missing it. But we have to get relief before we can know. We can't completely rebalance until first we get relief.” DesireStepsPerspectiveReliefSelf CareRebalance Through Relief Author:Shellen Lubin
“I've written about persistence and perseverance and yet for those of us with patchwork lives (projects, earnings, caretaking, home-tending, playing, friending, loving, celebrating, hurting, grieving, healing, assessing, re-grouping) persistence and perseverance has to be allowed in patches, not what from the outside might be viewed as 'normal' (for whatever worth normal has, the top of that overused bell curve). So let me clarify. When I talk about persistence, it isn't about persistence of equal measure every day. It's about not giving up on whatever is important to you, and, especially, not giving up on yourself. Some chapters of your life may allow many facets of your being, others just cannot and the feeling of failure that can arouse is of no value. Sometimes all you can do is ask yourself: What must I do this week? today? next hour? to continue the process as healthily as possible? to accomplish the most? It may be deep immersion in one, or it may be an odd mix. And tomorrow may be different. And an unexpected gift may come and change everything. And a Mack truck may hit and change everything. Our answers to those questions may not look similar but what I hope is similar is the acceptance of what must be. Persist in your own patches. Make your own quilt.” HopeChangePerspectivePerseveranceGoalsPersistenceSelf CareGiftsDon T Give UpPatchquilt Persistence Author:Shellen Lubin
“For this Rosh Hashonah--the Jewish New Year-- this is what I am reflecting on: Sh'mirat Ha'Lashon, guarding our speech. These are not the worst possible times our country has known but it may well be leading to them. While we are holding out for truth, freedom, and equity/parity/diversity/inclusivity, we must also hold out for (and require from ourselves) gentleness, compassion, empathy, and perspective.” TruthFreedomCompassionPerspectiveSpeechDiversityEmpathyEquityInclusivityShanatovah Author:Shellen Lubin
“Big ventures make you realize even more deeply how much each piece, each part, is needed to realize a vision, complete a journey, For want of a nail, the kingdom was lost” CareAttentionVisionFocusJourneyPerspectiveDisciplineAmbitionDetailsConsequently Yours Author:Shellen Lubin
“I remember just after 9/11/2001 people were putting up American flags-- stand with America against its enemies was the prevailing feeling-- and all I could think was "that's the feeling that got us here." It seemed to me that empathy for our ostensible enemies was the only way we could move forward to something better. I know that's true now.” WisdomAmericaGrowthProgressPerspectiveEvolutionEmpathyEnemies9 11On Mourning Author:Shellen Lubin
“When all else fails, laugh at the quandary. When all else fails, laugh at yourself. When all else fails, love as is.” LoveFaithPerspectiveBalanceLaughterPreparationOpennessWhen All Else FailsQuandary Author:Shellen Lubin
“Every time a court pushes back against the looming autocracy, we celebrate. But the looming autocracy often ignores the ruling of the courts. The question, day by day, becomes how well are all the institutions we need, we trust, we rely on still functioning? The answer, day by day, becomes only as well as the looming autocracy feels and hears and responds to the pushback against their destruction.” LifePerspectiveDestructionInstitutionsProtestAutocracyPushStill Functioning Author:Shellen Lubin
“We artists can't be stopped because we live and breathe to speak our truth to write our truth to paint, and sing, and dance what we see, what we feel, what we know inside. And we will always keep trying to find a way to reach some kind of audience, even if it's in a dingy basement. And for those whose art is the jest? Our beloved jesters (can they eliminate the comedians' platforms)? They dance on the line between reportage and art. But they may be the most dangerous of all to the looming autocracy, because they make people laugh at the king (the one thing he most cannot stand). And as the people laugh, they're also learning the truth: the king has no clothes.” LifeTruthAudienceDangerPerspectiveDanceLaughArtistsStill Functioning Author:Shellen Lubin
“It’s not an easy time, love, but it’s the time we have. I’m here for it, here with you, ‘tho cannot hold your hand. There is no railing, no concrete ground. So wander Into the uncharted, allowing all the feelings But not letting them hold you back. Step out With them, dance with them, In the liminal space between our Before-world and our Future-world … the ellipses … the dot dot dot … The myriad notes between any two pitches … The distance between all that is finite … The infinite” FeelingsStrugglePerspectiveEmotionsInfiniteDanceWanderDiscoverThe No New Normal New Normal Author:Shellen Lubin
“If the voices and perspectives we assess ourselves by are stuck in systems of their own they can be another trap. If they're stuck in their own agendas-- their needs and desires-- then they're another "wicked temptation" to sell out our deepest truths to please or pacify someone else. Which is why I advocate multiple mirrors, offering different ways of seeing, of feeling, of processing, angles and views we might otherwise miss, and reminding us to revere just how complex reality is.” RealityDesireAwarenessPerspectiveBetrayalComplexityFeelingVoicesAgendaDifferent View Author:Shellen Lubin
“Witnesses. Help us see how others see. Help us see ourselves from another vantage point, a larger landscape, a different view. Witnesses. Reality checks. Mirrors. Cameras. Other lenses. Different views. They can save us from our worst possible choices or from participating in someone else's.” RealityTruthVisionSupportAwarenessPerspectiveReflectionClarityWitnessDifferent View Author:Shellen Lubin
“It is a conundrum, this reality of which we speak. And if you do not find joy in the puzzle itself, you will only have isolated moments of stamped-and-approved joy ("I graduated!" "I got the job!" "I'm getting married!" "I won the prize!" "See, I have the picture!" "It's posted online!" "It got so many likes!") and those scrumptious, unexpected ones that take you by surprise-- a sunset, a leaf dancing in the wind, a baby's glee with a wayward bubble, fireworks. As I often say, I am ultimately drawn to-- and stay closest to-- the people who can be satisfied with a state of dissatisfaction, who can find joy in the puzzle itself, who want to play with the puzzle--gnaw on the conundrum--more than they want to finish it.” RealityJoyWindPerspectiveIllusionTensionSunsetGleePuzzleIllusions Of Reality Author:Shellen Lubin
“Clean slate? No no never. That's not life. Life is beginner mind with a full slate a dirty slate whatever slate you've got, you are, complicated interactions (with related and unrelated history and triggers), unfinished tasks and incomplete projects.” RealityAwarenessAcceptancePerspectiveZenMessOpennessRenewalOne Two Three Author:Shellen Lubin
“...important truths, perspectives, and awarenesses may feel harsh no matter how 'nicely' they are stated, and so, we can't always be nice” ImportantRealityTruthAwarenessHonestyPerspectiveTruthsIs It Nice Author:Shellen Lubin
“I am thinking about the joy in loose ends, even the unresolved ones, even the pointy sharp ones that stab me periodically, because nothing nothing nothing is ever completely over. And right now, I'm good with that.” JoyPeacePerspectiveCalmContentmentResolutionSelf CareLoose Ends Author:Shellen Lubin