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Teralyn Pilgrim Books

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Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Th...

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“People say the day your baby is born is the happiest day of your life. It certainly is for the dads. Call me crazy if you want, but the day I watched my doctor sew stitches into my torn vagina was not my favorite.”

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Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc. Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”

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Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Me: “Grace, what is that white stuff all over your face and arms?” Grace: “I don’t know. It isn’t Daddy’s birthday cake.”

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Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Me: “Oh no, it looks like the TV is broken.” Rose: “We need to move.”

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Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Look, girls, the Easter bunny is here at the mall," I said. "Do you want to go say hello?” Rose peeked over the picket fence around the photo area. She cocked an eyebrow. “Mom,” she said, “Why is the Easter Bunny hiding inside that scary costume?”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Childbirth Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids