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Quote by Dave Barry

“Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.”

Author

Dave Barry is a renowned American humorist, born on July 3, 1947. His works are known for their unique humor style and satirical observations of everyday life. more

“If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool.”

People Ifs Would Be Form Law Pay Talking Groups Fool Taxes Normal Congress Complicated Connected Income Fixed Giants Flats Percentages Pathetic Lawns Stalking Loopholes Broccoli Flat Tax

Author:Dave Barry

“As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.”

Government Remember Courses Powerful Common Enemy Dangerous Libertarian Federal Government Relentless Common Enemy

Author:Dave Barry

“Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.”

Two Feet Internet Computer Connected Ads Email Wire Viagra

Author:Dave Barry

“Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?”

World Doe Today Electricity Toasters

Author:Dave Barry

“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”

Children Matter Kids Funny Next Parent One Thing Stage Our Children No Matter What Your Children Sarcasm Sarcastic

Author:Dave Barry

“I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?”

People Sound Sticks Fortune Reactions Productive Mud Old Fashioned Contributing Productive Work

Author:Dave Barry

“During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey.”

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.”

Ifs Needs Kind Next Dog Events Late News Currents Newspapers All Kinds Giants Yards Items Urgent Containing Dog Training Current Events Cat Dog

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“Anyone who reads a book with a sense of obligation does not understand the art of reading.”

Doe Art Book Reading Obligation

Book:The Importance of Living

Source: The Importance of Living

“If one's bowels move, one is happy, and if they don't move, one is unhappy. That is all there is to it.”

Ifs Moving Unhappy Bowels

Book:The Importance of Living

Source: The Importance of Living

Quote by Dave Barry

Author

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