“When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.” Quote by Emo Philips
“Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.” IfsFirstsUsedNightLaughingGrowing UpGrowingStageFirst TimeComedianOne Night Author:Emo Philips
“I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.” HeartSpecialBabyMy HeartSavedGarbageDiggingOld WomanSpecial Places Author:Emo Philips
“In politics, an organized minority is a political majority.” PoliticalFreedomDemocracyMajorityOrganizedMinoritiesOrganize Author:Jesse Jackson
“I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.” IfsSaidGovernmentRememberDifferencesFiguresReturnPaperLettersSpendingPentagonIrsClipPaper Clips Author:Emo Philips
“I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.” ThinkingWellsBodyYouthTemplesPresbyterians Author:Emo Philips
“My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.” KnowsCompanyFrontsBabyBreastsMy SisterFeedingCereal Author:Emo Philips
“Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And that's a nice service that many of them provide.” IfsStillsFunRaceComedyNiceMinoritiesTaboo Author:Emo Philips
“Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.” SaidFallJokesFalling In LoveOddsFunny JokesPutting Yourself Out There Author:Emo Philips
“My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.” IfsSaidHandsDadMy DadMetaphorPlusLemonsLemonadeMake Lemonade Author:Emo Philips
“My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?” SaidPlayHandsUsedGamesSawsTvsDadOne DayBaseballMy DadTiedAnklesCatchersHands Tied Author:Emo Philips