Home / Quotes / Quote by Stephen Schneider

Quote by Stephen Schneider

“I wish I could blame my failure on my integrity & refusal to play bullshit games. But the truth is I just play them really badly.”

Quote by Stephen Schneider

Author

Stephen Schneider

Stephen Schneider was an accomplished American climate scientist and environmental scientist. He made significant contributions to the field of global climate change research, particularly in the areas of climate modeling and the impact of climate change on ecosystems. Professor Schneider served as a professor at Stanford University and held key positions in various international organizations and committees. more

You May Also Like

“Even hating myself I still think I'm better than you.”

Thinking Stills Funny Hate Comedy Better Than You

Author:Stephen Schneider

“I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money.”

Needs Funny Lying Sex Practice Comedy

Author:Stephen Schneider

“They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.”

Ifs Looks Kind Hands Funny Guy Sides Comedy Glasses Breathe Proof Thirty Torture Seconds Bullets Doom Tanks Seals Subway Houdini

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? "Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people."”

People Littles Doe I Can Two Whole Bigs Funny Jobs Guy Half Hell Clear Comedy Feet Higher Bottles This Guy Pills Pharmacist

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.”

People Knows Funny Comedy Sticks Chinese Staying Forks Hey You

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in the Winter Olympics they have that biathlon that combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are into this? Ski, shoot a gun... ski, bang, bang, bang... It's like combining swimming and strangling a guy. Why don't we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me. Just put people in the pool at the end of each lane for the swimmers.”

“The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"”

Real Funny Young Night Guy Talking Comedy Grace Wife Jokes Singers Fats Opening Comedian Italian Nuts This Guy Sock Old Time

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts.”

Looks Kind Matter Funny Comedy Hair Matured

Author:Garry Shandling

“A tree growing out of the ground is as wonderful today as it ever was. It does not need to adopt new and startling methods.”

Needs Doe Today Growing Wonderful Tree Method Plant A Tree

Book:The Art Spirit

Source: The Art Spirit

“I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.”

People Want Looks Funny White Comedy Gay Look At Me

Author:Sarah Silverman