“Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'” KnowsClubsComedianOwnersNobody KnowsBack WhenJerryHanging Around Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.” IfsFeelsYearsWould BePoliticalNextStrongFiveMinutesJokesFive MinutesOutdatedPolitical Jokes Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?” IfsMeanWholeFactsHouseKnownStreetsBarsSabbathSynagogueBar MitzvahMitzvahKosher Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I'm a Cancerian, the typical crab with the tough outer shell and the soft bit in the middle. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with people being unnecessarily nasty, but I can take it if someone doesn't like my music - I'm not everyone's cup of tea.” PeopleIfsThinkingI CanBitsTermMiddleToughCupsTeaShellsNastyTypicalCups Of TeaCrabs Author:Katherine Jenkins
“Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.” IfsWantUseKidsComedyNiceJokesBlueClubsComedianPerformingBad WordComedy Clubs Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.” MenWorldMadeNumbersSunMonthsHonorBeatsListsTerroristMade ItBin LadenPhoenix Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.” GivingAnswersOne DayMagazinesInterviewsOuch Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'” IdeasAsksWatchesAudienceLateToo LateWatch Me Author:Gilbert Gottfried