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Quote by Joan Rivers

“Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.”

Quote by Joan Rivers

Author

Joan Rivers was an American comedian, actress, and television personality known for her sharp wit and controversial humor. She gained fame as a panelist on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson' and later hosted her own talk show, 'The Joan Rivers Show'. Rivers was also a successful author and fashion critic, and her career spanned over five decades. more

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“I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man, we were having a perfectly lovely dinner; he looked up and me and went: You're not my wife! Another guy died during dinner. I had to go in his pocket to get the American Express card. Then you wonder: What would he tip? Another guy said: I want you to meet my family, and took me to the cemetery.”

Men Want Said Guy Left Wonder Wife My Family Died Dinner My Wife Lovely Teeth Cards Necks Pockets I Want You Going Out Another Man Other Guys Cemetery Old Guys American Express

Author:Joan Rivers

“Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.”

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Author:Joan Rivers

“My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!”

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Book:I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

Source: I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

“I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!”

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Author:Joan Rivers

“If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around.”

Author:Joan Rivers

“Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.”

Done Girl Deny Performers Plastic Surgery Brides Posters Plastic Surgery Stitches

Author:Joan Rivers

“My perfect last meal would be: shrimp cocktail, lasagna, steak, creamed spinach, salad with bleu cheese dressing, onion rings, garlic bread, and a dessert of strawberry shortcake.”

Would Be Lasts Perfect Rings Bread Meals Cheese Dressings Dessert Salad Cocktails Steak Onions Strawberries Garlic Shrimp Spinach Lasagna Onion Rings Strawberry Shortcake

Author:Joan Rivers

“Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.”

World Feels Writing Believe Book Comedy Design Planets Daughter Luck Welcome Fabulous Lectures Phenomenal Cosmetics Grandson Welcome To My World

Author:Joan Rivers

“Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.”

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Author:Joan Rivers

“Entirely incidentally, a little-known fact about Shakespeare is that his father moved to Stratford-upon-Avon from a nearby village shortly before his son's birth. Had he not done so, the Bard of Avon would instead be known as the rather less ringing Bard of Snitterfield.”

Littles Done Facts Father Known Son Birth Moved Village Bards Avon

Book:The Mother Tongue

Source: The Mother Tongue