Home / Quotes / Quote by Christopher Titus

Quote by Christopher Titus

“The day I'm in England performing, English security let a man in a Batman suit climb Buckingham Palace. I felt so much safer... Batman was on the wall of Buckingham Palace for five hours. Wouldn't happen in America - three minutes: dead Batman.”

Quote by Christopher Titus

Author

Christopher Titus

Christopher Titus is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and autobiographical comedy. Born on October 1, 1964, he has had a career in comedy for over 30 years. Titus' work often involves personal experiences, including his family background, marriage, and professional challenges. more

You May Also Like

“Satan called - he's changed the sheets, fluffed the pillows and laid out the complimentary chocolate. Hell is ready for John Edwards.”

Hell Changed Ready Satan Chocolate Sheets Pillow

Author:Christopher Titus

“The United States ranks 14th in the world in education. Even if we subtract Sarah Palin's test scores, it only bumps us to third. Damn you, Finland!”

Ifs World States United United States Tests Thirds Damn Score Bumps Palin Finland Test Scores Damn You

Author:Christopher Titus

“Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.”

Home Jobs Calling Republican Program Troops

Author:Christopher Titus

“I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.”

Believe I Can Left I Believe Don't Believe I Believe In Alcohol Satan Santa Vodka Believe In Santa Oreos

Author:Christopher Titus

“Consider Palin for President? The most powerful job on earth? You don't give the dumb cheerleader the Uzi. That's in the Bible.”

Giving Earth Jobs President Powerful Dumb Most Powerful Palin Cheerleader

Author:Christopher Titus

“I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl.”

Wells Succeed Loser Bowls Turds

Author:Christopher Titus

“We kinda hated sitcoms when we sat down and talked about this. We wanted to do something that was in the sitcom vain but totally different.”

Different Wanted Down And Vain Hated Sat Sitcom

Author:Christopher Titus

“I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.”

Ifs Thinking World Moving Function Collectives Psychosis

Author:Christopher Titus

“I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.”

Feels Sides Middle Extremes Nuts Both Sides

Author:Christopher Titus

“This country you're sitting in right now was not built on love, hugs, time-outs and trophies you didn't earn. This country was built on shame, humiliation and striving to be better. By the way, if you're in this room right now and you're successful... you didn't get there because someone loved you too much or gave you too many hugs or you got a trophy when you lost. You did it because at one point in your life, somebody turned to you and said you're a loser, and in that second, you decided to bust your ass to make them choke on that sentence... Or, your parents gave you the money.”

Ifs Way Said Country Lost Parent Rooms Successful Too Much Right Now Sitting Built Decided Shame Strive Sentences Ass Loser Hug Humiliation One Love Choke Trophies Lost You

Author:Christopher Titus