Home / Quotes / Quote by Andy Kindler

Quote by Andy Kindler

“Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!”

Quote by Andy Kindler

Author

Andy Kindler is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp satire. Born on October 16, 1956, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1980s. Kindler is recognized for his performances in television shows, movies, and on stage, with his work often delving into social and political issues. more

You May Also Like

“I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this.”

Names Changed Driving Upset Jackie

Author:Andy Kindler

“We're down in Mexico. It's for a bachelor party, so we go into a Mexican strip club... I go back with this woman down a murky hallway, and then without missing a beat - these ladies are all business - she goes, 'Go ahead, take out your dong.' 'I'm not taking out my dong. And by the way, who uses the word dong? If you want to be hip to the lingo, they're not using the word dong up in the States.”

Ifs Way Want States Use Party Missing Beats Clubs Hips Mexico Mexican Bachelors Hallways Bachelor Party

Author:Al Madrigal

“Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.”

Kids House Wife Members Video Hills Neighborhood Los Angeles Hanging Out Gang Waterfalls Gang Members Cypresses Sketchy

Author:Al Madrigal

“I'm half-Mexican - get used to it 'cause in about five to 10 years, you're all gonna be related to one. Whether you like it or not, no matter how much you prepared your family, you're gonna show up at Thanksgiving one of these years, you're gonna walk in and say, 'Hey! What's happening? Since when did we start serving flan?' Well, what's happening is that somebody's boning a Latino.”

Years Wells Matter Shows Used Causes Walks Half Five Happenings Prepared Hey Our Family Related Serving Mexican Latino You Like It

Author:Al Madrigal

“I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.”

People Writing Projects Jokes Phones Various Variety Bullshit Discussing

Author:Al Madrigal

“Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.”

Knows Men Littles Different Happens Running Kids Faces Moving Wife Eight My Wife Nine Parks Sand Weed Toys Little Kid Different Directions Vicodin Repo Man

Author:Al Madrigal

“Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.”

Wells Preparing Tofu Preparing Food

Author:Al Madrigal

“I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.”

Faces Always Alone Sad Face

Author:Al Madrigal

“You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.”

Knows Real Might School Grows My Own Half Growing Up Towns Everyday Sexy I Realized Suits Cute Riding Mexican San Francisco Sailor Own Business Humming Minding My Own Business

Author:Al Madrigal

“We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.”

America Weapons Chemicals Cocaine Chemical Weapons

Author:Felipe Esparza