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We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

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Cheyenne Wilson

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“No matter how your body and brain responded, what happened wasn’t your fault. If you fought with everything you had but were still overpowered, that’s not your fault. If you tried to run away but couldn’t, that’s not your fault. If fighting or fleeing didn’t seem like safe options, that’s not your fault. If your automatic survival response was to comply and attempt to please, that’s not your fault.”

HealingTraumaPtsdSexual AssaultFight Or Flight ResponseTrauma Responses
Book:We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault
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“When someone says to you, “I’m a Reiki Master,” it’s supposed to sound impressive. But what does it mean? It may simply mean that he or she has paid money to train for a few days with someone who trained with someone else over a few days – and so on. You get the picture. All of a sudden we have an explosion of ‘Masters’ – Reiki Masters, IET Masters, Tantric Masters, Seventh Level Ascended Violet Flame Masters of the Black Star. OK, I made the last one up! But we do have to laugh at ourselves if we believe we’re Masters of something after a few weekends, or now after doing an online course! Who are we fooling? Real Masters don’t need to tell you that they’re Masters. You’ll know just bye being around them. A real Master is someone who has spent a lifetime getting to know themselves in all their darkness and all their light, without needing to identify with either aspect of the opposite poles that live inside us all. Real Masters are ordinary people, like you, like me, humbled by the immensity of the mystery we are living. They radiate a presence, not a personality. There’s a world of difference.”

InspirationalHealing
Book:The Possibility Exists ...: One Man's Search for Freedom
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“You do not crave partnership, you crave connection and because you have not given it to yourself, you search for it in all the wrong places in pursuit of immediate gratification from another person.”

HealingConnectionHealing QuotesConnection Quotes
Book:Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers: The self-love guide to growing, healing and learning to put yourself first
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“I learned to be silent but strong. I made myself invisible and never questioned my ability to survive alone. In the end, that was most damaging. Doing it alone. Believing it was all my responsibility. Not the assault. But the healing. The justice. The protection of nameless other girls. I leaned heavily into the skills I learned as a child, over responsibility, independence, sharp analysis, and self-sacrifice. Which meant I never asked for the support I was so desperate for. Because what I needed, maybe more than his apology, was a community of people who could help me hold and honor all the stories that led to this one, who could help me uproot the layers of silence learned through too much violence.”

HealingRecoveryIsolation
Book:Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement
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“Most of us have been deeply shaped by the false notion that in order for people to behave better they need to feel worse and be punished. In practice, we see that humans are, in fact, far more likely to change in desirable ways when they are more resourced, not less.”

HealingSupportPunishmentReformReformation
Book:Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement
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“It is important to center the needs of those most directly impacted by the harm in a situation. We also hold that recognizing and attending to the humanity of those who harm is a central aspect of transforming our families, communities, and society. Seeing and dignifying the healing needs of people who abuse also runs counter to the idea that some people "out there" are "monsters" who are expendable or need to be "weeded out". By standing for everyone's need for healing, we challenge the dehumanizing logic that is central to systems of oppression, domination, and abuse. By standing for everyone's need for healing, we maintain our commitment to a vision of true liberation.”

HealingAbuseReformTransformative Justice
Book:Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement
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