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“Helen looked around the room as though if he just looked too, he would see it. Would see the memories that she faced in every corner. She wanted to explain, but instead, her mind darted to the last time she had visited home, the Christmas before when she and her parents had only given gifts to fill the bomb shelter. The bleakness of war had penetrated their house that night, the depressing presents and rationed food nothing compared to the vacant seats around the table. The quietness had choked them. Now its fingers curled only around her throat.”

“Helen of Troy Does Counter Dancing The world is full of women who'd tell me I should be ashamed of myself if they had the chance. Quit dancing. Get some self-respect and a day job. Right. And minimum wage, and varicose veins, just standing in one place for eight hours behind a glass counter bundled up to the neck, instead of naked as a meat sandwich. Selling gloves, or something. Instead of what I do sell. You have to have talent to peddle a thing so nebulous and without material form. Exploited, they'd say. Yes, any way you cut it, but I've a choice of how, and I'll take the money. I do give value. Like preachers, I sell vision, like perfume ads, desire or its facsimile. Like jokes or war, it's all in the timing. I sell men back their worst suspicions: that everything's for sale, and piecemeal. They gaze at me and see a chain-saw murder just before it happens, when thigh, ass, inkblot, crevice, tit, and nipple are still connected. Such hatred leaps in them, my beery worshipers! That, or a bleary hopeless love. Seeing the rows of heads and upturned eyes, imploring but ready to snap at my ankles, I understand floods and earthquakes, and the urge to step on ants. I keep the beat, and dance for them because they can't. The music smells like foxes, crisp as heated metal searing the nostrils or humid as August, hazy and languorous as a looted city the day after, when all the rape's been done already, and the killing, and the survivors wander around looking for garbage to eat, and there's only a bleak exhaustion. Speaking of which, it's the smiling tires me out the most. This, and the pretense that I can't hear them. And I can't, because I'm after all a foreigner to them. The speech here is all warty gutturals, obvious as a slam of ham, but I come from the province of the gods where meaning are lilting and oblique. I don't let on to everyone, but lean close, and I'll whisper: My mothers was raped by a holy swan. You believe that? You can take me out to dinner. That's what we tell all the husbands. There sure are a lot of dangerous birds around. Not that anyone here but you would understand. The rest of them would like to watch me and feel nothing. Reduce me to components as in a clock factory or abattoir. Crush out the mystery. Wall me up alive in my own body. They'd like to see through me, but nothing is more opaque than absolute transparency. Look - my feet don't hit the marble! Like breath or a balloon, I'm rising, I hover six inches in the air in my blazing swan-egg of light. You think I'm not a goddess? Try me. This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn.”

“Helen Rosevere was a British medical missionary in the Congo years ago during an uprising. Her faith was strong and her trust was confident, yet she was raped and assaulted and treated brutally. Commenting later, she said, "I must ask myself a question as if it came directly from the Lord, 'Can you thank Me for trusting you with this experience even if I never tell you why?'" What a profound thought. God has trusted each of us with our own set of unfair circumstances and unexplained experiences to deal with. Can we still trust in Him even if He never tells us why?”

“Helen's gaze remained on her sister, as she noticed that Cassandra had recently lost the gangly, coltish look of childhood. She bore an astonishing resemblance to Jane, with the immaculate prettiness of her bone structure and bow-shaped lips, the sunlight-colored curls, and heavily lashed blue eyes. Fortunately Cassandra was a softer, infinitely kinder version of their mother. And Pandora, for all her prankish high spirits, was the most sweet-natured girl imaginable.”

“Helen's Saigon had always been about selling - chickens, information, or lovely young women, it didn't matter. It had once been called the Pearl of the Orient, but by people who had not been there in a very long time. Saigon had never been Paris, but now it was a garrison town, unlovely, a stinking refugee shantyville filled with the angry, the betrayed, the dispossessed, but she had made it her home, and she couldn't bear that soon she would have to leave.”

“Helen’s secretary’s phone was ringing off the hook as Clavier and I passed through the antechamber and into the hallway. Once we were outside, I rounded on him. “I’m not going to apologize. What you did to me was unconscionable, and now that Alexa is sick—” The urge to strike out at him welled up in me like a flash fire, and I braced my hand against the wall so as not to give in to the impulse. “I want access to everything. And your full cooperation. I am going to make this right, damn it, whatever it takes.” He stared at me coldly. “Save your self-righteous invectives for someone who will be moved by them.” I took a menacing step forward, despite my determination to remain poised. “Hoping for a repeat performance? You must get off on asphyxiation.” At the spark of anger in his eyes, I laughed. “The first thing that’s going to happen is that I am going to talk to Sebastian. And you are going to call whoever you need to call to make that happen. Right now.” Without waiting for a response, I turned sharply and headed for the stairwell.”

“Helen slipped her fingers into the top of his breeks and pulled on the cord holding them up. An infant's cry squealed from inside the cottage. Eoin touched his forehead to hers and chuckled. "It appears we timed things a bit late." Helen took in a ragged breath. "Will you remember where we are until we're alone this eve?" He nuzzled against her ear. "I'll be thinking of it every moment until then." Maggie's cries rose until they bordered on panic stricken. Helen gave him one last kiss. "Then I shall hold you to it.”

“Helen slowly became aware of an unnerving red light. She lifted her head and looked around. The glow bounced off the cold stone walls and intensified quickly. It filled her with thoughts of despair and hopelessness. She tried to shake them off. You have what’s mine! Where is it? I want it! Helen shuddered violently. She recalled the inner voice that urged her to use the stone to keep Prince Harnak from dying. That voice was comforting and encouraging. This voice was oppressive and angry and beat on her relentlessly. “No!” she muttered. “Go away. I have nothing for you or anyone else, not even me.” The red light flickered out. Only the numbing cold and her utter isolation, cheerless companions, remained.”

“Helen Vendler calls this kind of interrogation of a work "roads not taken," suggesting that it's useful, when writing critically, to consider what differences it makes to the work or the encounter with the work if changes are made. It's one way of better understanding your experience, comparing it to other possible experiences you can imagine having.”

“Helen was bewildered to find herself surrounded by air as warm as the breath of summer. Slowly she walked into a large gallery, constructed of thousands of flashing, glittering glass panes in a network of wrought-iron ribs. It was a glasshouse, she realized in bewilderment. On a rooftop. The ethereal construction, as pretty as a wedding cake, had been built on a sturdy brickwork base, with iron pillars and girders welded to vertical struts and diagonal tiers. "This is for my orchids," she said faintly. Rhys came up behind her, his hands settling at her waist. He nuzzled gently at her ear. "I told you I'd find a place for them." A glass palace in the sky. It was magical, an inspired stroke of romantic imagination, and he had built it for her. Dazzled, she took in the view of London at sunset, a red glow westering across the leaden sky. The clouds were torn in places, gold light spilling through the fire-colored fleece.”

“Helen was lost and isolated, unable to participate with the rest of the group. She was outside the circle with no sense of any connection to a Creator, and no concept of what unconditional love might feel like. If any type of God had indeed created her, then that Deity had made a mistake too cruel to forgive.”

“Helen Weaver’s book was a revelation to me! Although I was a young woman in the fifties, I was there, but I wasn’t there! This is the most graphic, honest, shameless and moving documentary of what the newly liberated women in cities got up to–how they lived, loved and created. Who knew? It is time they did! And here’s how.”

“Helen will never admit what she wants. She's spent her entire life trying not to be a bother to anyone. She'd marry the devil himself if she thought it would help the family- and she's well aware that Eversby Priory would stand to benefit." "She's not a child. She's a woman of one-and-twenty. Perhaps you didn't notice just now that she behaved with far more composure than you or I." On a callous note, he added gently, "And although it might surprise you, a lifetime of living under your thumb may not appeal to her.”

“Helen, you would just have to sit still, close your eyes and think of me, and I would turn the universe inside out to find you. I would go anywhere and fight anything to get to you—witches, dragons, and even pirates. If I have to pass through a hundred lifetimes, I will do it to find you. I may be an old man and you may be an old woman. You may not even recognize me by the time it happens, but you will know and I will know, because nothing can separate us. We will always be together. I promise you. Now stop worrying.”

“Helen, your sinful deeds brought a bitter end to Priam and his lovely children. They say because of you holy Ilium was destroyed by climbing fire. But the son of Aiakos did not find such a wife when he summoned the blessed gods to his wedding and took the delicate sea nymph Thetis from the watery palace of Nereus, bringing her to the mountain cave of the centaur Cheiron. There, the love of Peleus for his sea-nymph led him to lie naked with the untouched virgin, and within the year she bore a son, Achilles; bravest demigod and splendid driver of tawny stallions. But for Helen, Ilium and her people were destroyed.”

“Helena (Bonham Carter) is one of the coolest kindest women I've ever met. We had so much fun. She has the best sense of humor. I loved her fairy godmother. It came at a point during night shoots where I was exhausted. It was trippy, weird and cold ... and then Helena showed up. It was like this bright light on the horizon; it was wonderful.”

“Helene straightened up from her trunk and pursed her already-drawn lips. “It’s a bit like Mr Holmes always said. ‘Pay attention to details. Everything is important’.” “Actually I don’t think Mr Holmes ever did say that, not quite in those words at any rate! But I take your point. Anything might be important, therefore everything is important.” I glanced back towards the corner with the pile of burlap sacks thoughtfully. “Everything is important. Everything is a circle.” “What?” Helene’s startled face appeared round a stack of old books that had an ancient spinning-wheel Miss Hurst had thrown out years ago reposing haughtily—albeit somewhat askew—on top. “Oh, nothing.”

“HELIANTHUS: DARK MANUSCRIPT (7 Luka Vincent, yang Tak Pernah Selesai Dibaca Cahaya) I. Asal Cahaya Kuning adalah luka paling tua yang menetes dari tubuh matahari ke nadi seorang lelaki yang tak pernah sanggup menanggung pagi. Setiap tetesnya menggores helai urat syaraf retak dan denyut seperti lonceng gereja yang kehilangan doa. Arles memanggilnya dengan suara serak dari tembok lembab sebuah rumah kuning yang lebih mirip mulut cacing yang menelan sepi. II. Anatomi Sebuah Telinga Di tubuhnya tumbuh seekor singa yang menggigiti dagingnya dari dalam ke luar. Orang-orang menyebutnya “gila” karena mereka takut pada binatang yang selalu lapar. Namun ia tahu: yang mengaum itu adalah cahaya yang tak sanggup ia jinakkan. Cahaya yang mengelupas kulit seperti kuku Gauguin yang meninggalkan jejak garam di punggung. Maka ia memotong telinganya sebagai tumbal— segumpal daging kecil yang ia bungkus rapi dalam sapu tangan putih dan ia persembahkan kepada suara yang ia kejar sejak kanak-kanak. III. Perjamuan Orang-Orang yang Tak Selesai Theo hanya memandangnya seperti memandang sumur retak tak berair. Gachet mengukur nadinya seperti menakar jarak antara iman dan putus asa. Gauguin menutup pintu dan membiarkan lorong panjang itu menjerit sendiri. Di sudut café, sebotol anggur pecah seperti pecahnya bintang di langit malam yang murung. Nama-nama kalender tergantung di dinding seperti kepala-kepala yang terpenggal. Tak satu pun cukup tajam untuk menebas sunyi yang bergema di benaknya. IV. Kanvas yang Tak Menghendaki Jiwa Pemiliknya Ia menatap bunga-bunga matahari itu yang rontok satu per satu seperti gigi para martir. Kuning di situ bukan warna. Kuning adalah jeritan. Kuning adalah mimpi buruk yang merayap ke pori-pori dan memakan tidur malamnya hingga tak bersisa. Setiap helai kelopak adalah surat yang tak pernah ia kirim kepada Tuhan yang ia yakini sedang bersembunyi di balik sepotong cermin retak. V. Ladang Gandum dengan Langit yang Tak Mengampuni Pistol di tangannya lebih dingin dari Saint-Remy. Ia menembak bukan untuk mati. Ia menembak untuk menutup suara yang terus berbisik dari sisi lain cahaya. Asap kecil itu terhenti di udara seperti doa yang ragu-ragu. Namun maut menolak. Bahkan kematian pun tak ingin menginap di tubuh seorang lelaki yang terluka oleh cahaya. Ia berjalan pulang sambil menyeret bayangannya yang terbelah dua. VI. Epilog di Bawah Cahaya yang Makin Pucat Pada akhirnya, lelaki itu hanya ingin membiarkan cahaya menembus tubuhnya tanpa menyisakan nama. Kanvas yang koyak mengapung di udara seperti burung-burung gagak yang terlambat pulang. Dunia tak akan pernah mengerti mengapa seseorang mencintai cahaya lebih dari jiwanya sendiri. Di liang lembab itu, kelopak-kelopak bunga matahari yang ia bawa sepanjang hidup luruh satu demi satu seperti mantra yang kehilangan tuhan. Desember 2025”

“HELIANTHUS: MINIATUR 7 METAMORFOSIS I. Bunga yang Melihat Api Helai-helai matahari berputar di dalam tengkoraknya. Seekor singa tidur dalam dadanya, menggeram pada warna yang menolak lahir dari tangannya. Malam tertawa biru— sebuah parodi langit yang meminum kenangan. Ia mendengar bintang jatuh seperti gigi-gigi patah dari langit yang demam. Telinganya pecah. Darah menyala seperti obor kecil di pintu sebuah rumah kuning yang tak pernah selesai dibangun. II. Litani Rumah Kuning I Di lorong-lorong sunyi Arles sebuah kuas jatuh— dan dunia berubah menjadi almanak yang hilang. II Bayang telinga, sehelai saputangan, nama yang tak kembali dari jendela. III Dalam malam penuh bintang hanya debu yang mengingatkan kita bahwa ia pernah memilih cahaya. IV Di Saint-Remy, ruang-ruang putih menghafal langkahnya lebih baik dari siapa pun. III. Telinga, Matahari, Abu Telinga jatuh. Sebuah malam mengatup. Batu meminum darahnya. Kelopak— abu kuning di antara dua nadi. Cahaya patah, menggigil. Ia berjalan tanpa tubuh, meninggalkan namanya pada angin yang beku. IV. Matahari yang Memeluk Luka Ada matahari yang tumbuh dari dadanya— lambat, panas, seperti buah yang ingin pecah. Kelopak-kelopak cahaya mengusap wajahnya dengan kelembutan yang putus asa. Dalam darahnya berdenyut ladang-ladang kuning, dan malam menunduk untuk mencium keringatnya. Ia mencintai cahaya seperti orang lapar mencintai roti. V. Cermin Matahari yang Terbelah Ia berdiri di depan kanvas— kini, dulu, nanti— waktu melingkar pada ujung kuasnya. Setiap warna yang gagal adalah pintu menuju dirinya sendiri. Telinganya— sebuah jam rusak yang terus memanggil cahaya. Ia mati dan tidak mati di saat yang sama, karena setiap garis adalah bekas langkah dari masa lalu dan masa depan. VI. Ruang Tempat Telinga Itu Jatuh Kamar itu terlalu sunyi untuk menampung napasnya. Ia menekan kornea matanya pada kanvas yang dingin, mencari sedikit alasan untuk tetap tinggal. Darah dari telinganya mengalir ke lantai— membentuk peta kecil tentang semua yang ia takuti. Ia memberi hadiah paling lembut: potongan dirinya yang tak lagi sanggup ia simpan. VII. Senja di Rumah Kuning Senja yang berat berdiri di atas rumah kuning. Sepatu bot tua, angin lembab, bau anggur membusuk di meja kayu retak. Di luar jendela, bunga matahari menggelap perlahan— seperti seseorang yang mengantuk dalam penderitaannya sendiri. Ia berjalan ke hutan, dan daun-daun kering jatuh satu per satu seperti pikiran yang terluka. Desember 2025”

“Helianthus “The sadness will last forever.” ― Vincent van Gogh Sebuah ingatan tak mampu menangkap geletar sebatang kuas. Jari-jemari gagal menangkap rona mata kepedihan membayang kabur di atas kanvas. Pucat tube cat menelan harga diri ekspresi beku palet kosong. Seekor singa diam-diam mengeram, mencabik daging sepotong demi sepotong. Langit penuh bintang tertawa menggigilkan telinga. Tawa gila perempuan sundal di perempatan jalan. Telinga mengucur darah oleh tajam sembilu tak lagi goreskan biru ke atas gaun malam. Hutan terbakar. memberang oleh kalut pikiran. Kelopak matahari luruh memenuhi liang lembab dan dingin. Sernak hujan memutar masa lalu, melaknat pias rembulan. Tapi ia belum mati, belum lagi. Ada sisa asap dari pistol teracung ke atas jidat mencabar benak. Serpihan ngeri mengiris telinga terbungkus sehelai sapu tangan berenda— sebuah tanda mata. Langit yang tak kunjung mati. Langit yang melaknat diri sendiri. Sebuah pusara, dalam keranjang penuh kentang. Malam penuh bintang dan sansai sepasang sepatu bot usang— kamar sunyi lengang. Tertumpah gentong anggur dalam perkelahian tak terkendali bersama Theo dalam café penuh pelacur. Almanak yang menyimpan ingatan semua nama: Gachet dan Gauguin menambal luka meliang di sekujur tubuh; maut yang menolak mencium busuk bau napasnya. Rembulan mabuk di sepanjang jalan dari Borinage, Antwerpen hingga ke Paris. Jiwa yang menolak mati, sampai Arles memangilnya kembali Muram wajah rumah kuning itu, taman bunga Irish layu pohon Cypres menari-nari. Dan Saint Remy menunda kepulangannya sekali lagi. Jemari gemetar mengulang sketsa pada cemerlang warna bunga mataharinya dalam sebuah pot oranye tetap seperti dulu juga. Lelaki malang yang mencintai kepedihan begitu rupa sebagaimana ia mencintai cahaya lebih dari jiwanya sendiri. April 2014”

“Helion, High Lord of the Day Court, arrived at the Hewn City the next afternoon on a flying horse. He'd wanted to enter the dark city in a golden chariot led by four snow-white horses with manes of golden fire, Rhys had told Cassian, but Rhys had forbidden the chariot and horses, and let Helion know that he could winnow in or not come at all. Hence the pegasus. Helion's idea of a compromise. Cassian had heard the rumours of Helion's rage pegasuses. Myth claimed his prized stallion had flown so high the sun had scorched him black, but beholding the beast now... Well, Cassian might have been envious, if he didn't have wings himself.”

“Helion threw himself onto the couch across from Cassian and Mor. He'd ditched that radiant crown somewhere, but kept that gold armband of the upright serpent. 'It's been what- four centuries now, and you three still haven't accepted my offer.' Mor lolled her head to the side. 'I don't like to share, unfortunately.' 'You never know until you try,' Helion purred. The three of them in bed... with him? I must have been blinking like a fool because Rhys said to me, Helion favours both males and females. Usually together in his bed. And has been hounding after that trio for centuries. I considered- Helion's beauty and the others... Why the hell haven't they said yes?”