“If my wife is cooking a meal at home, which is not often, thankfully, but you know, she's doing (oh, she's good at some things) but if she's cooking, you know, she's dealing with people on the phone, she's talking to the kids, she's painting the ceiling, she's doing open-heart surgery over here; if I'm cooking, the door is shut, the kids are out, the phone's on the hook, if she comes in I get annoyed, I say "Terry, please, I'm trying to fry an egg in here, give me a break.".” PeopleIfsKnowsGivingTryingHeartHomeKidsTalkingBreakWifeDoorsPaintingPleaseGive MeCookingPhonesMy WifeMealsEggsSurgeryHookCeilingsAnnoyedOpen HeartDealing With PeopleHeart Surgery Author:Ken Robinson
“Broke my femur on a cruise with my wife in Italy. I'd walked back to my cabin after dinner with half a plate of spaghetti when I leaned in to open the door. Turns out it was already open, so I fell flat on my face like something from the Keystone Kops.” FacesTurnsHalfWifeDoorsDinnerMy WifeBrokeFlatsPlatesLike SomethingCruiseCabinsSpaghettiKeystones Author:Art Donovan
“The kind of crabbing my wife likes to do is to return from an afternoon's swim or sunbathing session, open the refrigerator door, and find a generous plate of crab cakes all ready to cook.” KindWifeDoorsFoodReadyReturnCookingMy WifeLikesCooksGenerousCulinarySwimCakeAfternoonPlatesSessionRefrigeratorsCrabsSunbathing Author:Euell Gibbons
“I try to sit down at night before they go to bed and read the Bible with them and do little devotionals and pray with them. I think if you instill it in them when they are young, they'll remember when they grow up. I raise them in church. When the doors are open, I want to be there. My kids love to go. So does my wife.” IfsThinkingWantTryingLittlesDoeKidsRememberYoungNightGrowsChurchGrowing UpWifeDoorsPrayingBedRaisesMy WifeRemember WhenInstillKids Love Author:Andy Pettitte
“Sometimes, you've got to be in a place. You're just another guy. You can just blend in. I live out in the wilds of nowhere, out in Jersey. Even there, there's sometimes problems. College students like journey out there and show up at 11 o'clock at night, on my porch, looking into the door not saying anything. My wife and I are sitting there; it's really creepy.” SometimesShowsProblemNightGuyWifeDoorsJourneyStudentsCollegeSittingMy WifeClockJerseyCreepyOther GuysPorchCollege StudentsReally Creepy Author:Lou Reed
“I was very pleased to get a Supreme Court justice suggesting a column, so I went and did a column about Beano. I went with my wife and another guy to a Mexican restaurant, which we thought would be the ultimate test for an antiflatulance product. There's a reason most of Mexico is located out of doors. And it worked. Several newspapers refused to run that column. But they did run advertisements for Beano.” ReasonWould BeRunningGuyJusticeWifeDoorsProductsTestsUltimateCourtMy WifeNewspapersSupremeRestaurantsMexicoSupreme CourtMexicanColumnsOther GuysAdvertisementsSuggestingSupreme Court JusticeCourt Justice Author:Dave Barry
“Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.” YearsStillsLastsNextWifeDoorsMissingFellowsMy WifeRanLast Year Author:Les Dawson
“God not only loves his people but delights in each one of us. He takes great pleasure in us. He's actually blessed in keeping and delivering us. I see this kind of parental pleasure in my wife, Gwen, whenever one of our grandchildren calls. Gwen lights up like a Christmas tree when she has one of our dear little ones on the line. Nothing can get her off the phone. Even if I told her the President was at our door, she'd shoo me away and keep talking. How could I ever accuse my heavenly Father of delighting in me less than I do in my own offspring?” PeopleIfsKindLittlesLightFatherPresidentLinesMy OwnPleasureTalkingWifeDoorsTreeBlessedDearPhonesDelightMy WifeHeavenlyGrandchildrenHeavenly FatherOnly LoveOffspringDeliveringParentalLight UpChristmas TreeKeep Talking Author:David Wilkerson
“I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.” ThinkingLooksHandsPurposeBlackWifeDoorsCarSexyMy WifeFingernails Author:Emo Philips
“I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!” SelfHelpingHomeSidesWalksWifeDoorsCarFrontsRainGoldFishesMy WifeJacketsPouringFront DoorsPouring Rain Author:Bill Engvall