Quotessence
Home / Topics / Duck Quotes

Duck Quotes

Browse 320 quotes about Duck.

Duck Quotes

“I dance like a dead man rolling out of a coffin, and that's also how Campbell's tastes. But if you fill up a thermos with my Duck Soup, it might help you win the marathon at the next Olympics. I'd like to sponsor your performance.”

“The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was a lunatic, like a duck running a marathon, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.”

“Shrinkflation is when you pay more money and receive less than what you used to get at a lower price. It's like buying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and being served two pieces of bread. But in that Air Sandwich there exists the possibility of flight. And if those two slices of bread are soggy, then you have just created Duck Heaven.”

“Sam, I know you’re upset over what happened with you and Drake,” Astrid began. “Upset?” Sam echoed the word with an ironic smirk. “But that’s no excuse for you keeping secrets from us.” “Yeah,” Howard said, “Don’t you know only Astrid is allowed to keep secrets?” “Shut up, Howard,” Astrid snapped. “Yeah, we get to lie because we’re the smart ones,” Howard said. “Not like all those idiots out there.” Astrid turned her attention back to Sam. “This is not okay, Sam. The council has the responsibility. Not you alone.” Sam looked like he could not care less about what she was saying. He looked almost beyond reach, indifferent to what was going on around him. “Hey,” Astrid said. “We’re talking to you.” That did it. His jaw clenched. His head snapped up. His eyes blazed. “Don’t push me. That wasn’t you with your skin whipped off and covered in blood. That was me. That was me who went down into that mine shaft to try to fight the gaiaphage.” Astrid blinked. “No one is minimizing what you’ve done, Sam. You’re a hero. But at the same time—” Sam was on his feet. “At the same time? At the same time you were here in town. Edilio had a bullet in his chest. Dekka was torn to pieces. I was trying not to scream from the…You and Albert and Howard, you weren’t there, were you?” “I was busy standing up to Zil, trying to save Hunter’s life,” Astrid yelled. “But it wasn’t you and your big words, was it? It was Orc who stopped Zil. And he was there because I sent him to rescue you. Me!” He stabbed a finger at his own chest, actually making what looked like painful impact. “Me! Me and Brianna and Dekka and Edilio! And poor Duck.”

“Thanks to my ducks practicing for The Monteverdi Choir tryouts, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. No, I slept a whole blink, which is more restful and less flirtatious than a wink.”

“People say jazz puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, one who sounds like a duck quacking, I don't know if they're trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. My music NOW comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.”

“Before I had a duck farm, I had a business partner. Between Brian and I, we had a thousand dollars invested. Brian had $990, and I had all the rest. I really did have all the rest, because I slept while he worked.”

“A boring machine, would it drill holes—or put you to sleep? The two-party political system, that’s a boring machine, though voters are waking up. I'd like to think my ducks quacking for their breakfast in the morning is also helping The Sleepwalkers rise from their slumber.”

“What if a slumber retailer merged with a hamburger substitute to form a new store called Bed, Bath, and Beyond Meat? It would be the opposite of what ducks make, which is real sleep products (feather pillows) and real food (eggs).”

“Have you ever had a prophetic dream about my duck farm being as successful in the future as The Spicy Chicken Sandwich? No? Well, try harder! For better results, sleep longer.”

“Some people put more thought into what kind of car to buy than what kind of mate to marry. I think that's foolish, because when I'm not duck farming, I'm a bicycle salesman. Well, I actually only have one bicycle to sell, and I stole it, which is what makes it so profitable.”