“A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?” SaidGuyWaitingMinutesGolfBarsDrunkArrestedCartsPennsylvaniaGolf Carts Author:David Letterman
“Listen to John Coltrane enough and after two bars, just two bars at any place, and you know that's him. We all have signature things that happen to be similar that you can predict and you try to stay away from that except the rhythms: those pauses, they're part of my signature, the part where I know when I say nothing, I already painted enough, led enough and I don't even have to say anything. But those pauses don't belong to me. Jack Benny was one of the first guys in comedy to make the anticipation so great that during the pause people start to laugh before the execution.” PeopleKnowsTryingFirstsTwoEnoughHappensGuyLaughingComedyBarsRhythmAnticipationExecutionPausesSay AnythingSignaturesColtrane Author:Bill Cosby
“In Germany I ingested the entire contents of the hotel mini-bar before a show and stuck my fingers in this guy's nostrils because I thought they would fit.” ShowsGuyFitFingersStuckBarsGermanyHotelThis Guy Author:Grace Slick
“I like to go to bars and bang really ugly girls, I just like to, I'm just a sick guy.” GuyGirlSickUglyBarsBangsUgly Girl Author:Dean Ambrose
“You are a part of everything. You are like the guys in the bar and that gal on the corner with the red dress. We are a little bit of everyone. Let's not get too fancy here.” LittlesGuyBitsBuddhismLittle BitRedDressesCornersBarsBuddhistFancyEtiquetteGals Author:Frederick Lenz
“I was 13 or 14 and I met Donald Trump at a bar mitzvah of a good friend of ours, who's friends with him. He had his girlfriend at the time with him, that Melania with him. He said, 'Hey guys, if you work hard and be successful, you'll get one of these.' I'll never forget that. And now he's married to her.” IfsSaidHardGuyForgetSuccessfulHard WorkTrumpMetsMarriedBarsHeyGirlfriendBeing SuccessfulNever ForgetHockeyGood FriendNhlBar MitzvahMitzvah Author:Jason Spezza
“My own theory is that people are just so desperate for somebody they can feel better than, in America. Now that everyone's going broke and working 17 jobs - if they have one at all - at least they can look at these guys behind bars and think, "At least I get to wear my own clothes to work."” PeopleIfsThinkingFeelsLooksJobsAmericaGuyMy OwnBehindsTheoryClothesBarsBrokeDesperateFeel Better Author:Jerry Stahl
“John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.” LooksKindGuyBarsHotelThumbs Author:David Letterman
“I think it's good to know more than the average guy. If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is talking to some handsome 24-year-old man, I'll say, "Okay, who's the emperor after Caligula? What chief mistake did Marcus Aurelius make in choosing a successor?" He'll just look like an idiot. She'll just gravitate toward me, I'm thinking. It works in Detroit.” IfsThinkingKnowsMenYearsLooksGuyGirlMistakeTalkingOkayAverageBarsChiefsIdiotOld ManHandsomeEmperorDetroitPretty GirlSuccessors Author:Emo Philips
“A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, sees a girl that catches his eye. Asks her if she wants another, they fall for each other and end up lovers. They laugh, cry, hold on tight and make it work for a little while, then one night her taillights fade out into the dark. And a guy walks into a bar” IfsWantLittlesEndsEyeNightGuyOrderFallGirlAsksDarkWalksLaughingCryLoversDrinkBarsHis EyesFadesOne Night Author:Tyler Farr