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Guy Quotes

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Guy Quotes

“I'm the biggest nerd - I love comic books and stuff like that! I don't have any friends who are actresses. I only had one girlfriend when I was growing up. Most of my friends were boys. I was such a tomboy. I enjoyed doing guy things.”

Book Funny Guy Stuff Boys Growing Up Growing My Friends Actresses Comic Enjoyed Girlfriend Comic Book Nerd

Author:Megan Fox

“I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.”

Reason Funny Guy Nerdy Funny Guy

Author:Megan Fox

“I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.”

Men Want Should Humor Funny Guy Turns Race Feet Car Window Radio Circles Drivers Keep Going Tides Slow Down Bugs Turn-on Passengers Race Car

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.”

People Ifs Way Said Humor Hands Would Be Funny Night Guy Praying Gun Knees Every Night Ufo Alabama Shotguns Abduction

Author:Bill Hicks

“I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.”

Humor Funny Guy Comedy Conversation Stand Up Comedy Escalators

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane."”

Funny Science Guy Eggs Truck Dropping Cement Old Saying Cranes Omelets Breaking Eggs

Author:Dave Barry

“I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.”

Light Funny Guy Shining Nba Bright Lights

Author:Kevin Durant

“Christian is going to be the strongest man in the NBA next year, because all he's been doing all summer is carrying around the luggage for 11 guys.”

Men Years Christian Funny Guy Next Summer Nba Strongest Next Year Luggage

Author:Charles Barkley

“The guys on the stunt team are really fantastic. It's really funny, because for all the aggression they have to display on screen, they're actually really happy, good- natured people.”

People Funny Guy Team Screens Fantastic Display Aggression Really Happy

Author:Miranda Otto

“I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians.”

Funny Guy Winning Team Glad

Author:Tommy Lasorda

“Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old model from Los Angeles. Like every other model in L.A., She's dating an older retired guy. What's going on?”

Years Firsts Stories Bigs Funny Guy Models First Time Dating Girlfriend Los Angeles Olympics Retired London Olympics

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.”

People Ifs Years Wells Has Beens Reason Funny Guy Five Shapes Five Years Olympics That Guy London Olympics

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.”

Looks Funny America Guy Father Team Uniforms Olympics Founding Our Founding Fathers London Olympics

Author:David Letterman

“Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.”

Ifs Humor Funny Guy Ass Pants Dressings

Author:Kristen Schaal

“I know quickly whether a guy is boyfriend material. If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then that's boyfriend material for me. Like if we're able to have fun at a gas station. I've had some really good times at gas stations.”

Ifs Knows I Can Able Funny Guy Fun Materials Having Fun Cute Gas Good Times Stations Having A Good Time Boyfriend Absolutely Nothing Gas Stations

Author:Alyson Hannigan

“Yeah, I had it all mapped out actually. Seriously. I wrote it down. I said, 'When I'm the head coach of the Eagles, I'm going to make sure I get that guy on my team.' And then guy next to me was like, 'You're only the offensive coordinator at New Hampshire.' I said, 'Don't worry about it. Minor details. But it's going to work.'”

Said Funny Guy Next Worry Team Like You Yeah Details Coaches Nfl Minors Offensive Going To Work Eagles That Guy Hampshire New Hampshire Head Coaches Coordinator

Author:Chip Kelly