“Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.” IfsAdviceMessagesMachinesPhonesDrunkSageAnswering Machines Author:Janeane Garofalo
“Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."” ShouldFunnyComedyCuttingCallingMessagesMachinesFreakAnswering Machines Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.” HomeCarCommunicationMessagesMachinesAnswering MachinesGood Communication Author:Steven Wright
“The wish to disappear sends many travelers away. If you are thoroughly sick of being kept waiting at home or at work, travel is perfect: let other people wait for a change. Travel is a sort of revenge for having been put on hold, or having to leave messages on answering machines, not knowing your party's extension, being kept waiting all your working life - the homebound writer's irritants. But also being kept waiting is the human conditon.” PeopleIfsHumansHomeWishWaitingPerfectPartyKnowingMessagesMachinesSickRevengeDisappearNot KnowingTravelerExtensionsWorking LifeAnswering MachinesIrritants Book:Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Cape Town Source: Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Cape Town
“Everybody has a ‘gripping stranger’ in their lives, Andy, a stranger who unwittingly possesses a bizarre hold over you. Maybe it’s the kid in cut-offs who mows your lawn or the woman wearing White Shoulders who stamps your book at the library—a stranger who, if you were to come home and find a message from them on your answering machine saying ‘Drop everything. I love you. Come away with me now to Florida,’ you’d follow them.” IfsBookHomeKidsWhiteCuttingLove YouMessagesMachinesLibraryStrangerShouldersOver YouComing HomeFloridaBizarreStampsLawnsGrippingAnswering MachinesWearing White Author:Douglas Coupland
“Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'” EnjoyShareRight NowMessagesTestsMachinesYeahCornyBeing PositiveGreat DayClinicAnswering MachinesThought Of The DayPositive Messages Author:Andy Rooney
“You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to alive person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you.” IfsKnowsPersonsTwoNightThreeHoursPartyAliveMessagesHumorousMachinesPressesBarsVampireEvery NightReservationsPranksUndeadFantasiaAnswering Machines Book:Dead in Dixie Source: Dead in Dixie