“The Devil made me do it the first time - the second time I done it on my own” FirstsMadeDoneHumorFunnyMy OwnDevilFirst Time Author:Billy Joe Shaver
“If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.” IfsKnowsMenWritingBookEnoughFunnyMy OwnSarcasmSarcastic Author:Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"” SaidFunnySpiritMy OwnMissingBearsEqualHumorousExcellentShakingGrudge Book:Dombey and Son Source: Dombey and Son
“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.” IfsSaidHumorRunningFunnyMovingGuyMy OwnFireComedyLegsBlockGamblingThis GuyExitOwn BusinessCasinosMind Your Own BusinessMinding My Own Business Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.” HumorFunnyMy OwnToo MuchCuttingHairSickComing OutBarbers Author:Robert Frost
“'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said.” SaidHumorFunnyHouseMy Own Author:Evelyn Waugh
“I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.” DifferentStoriesHumorFunnyReadingMy OwnGaySittingMagazinesStationsBusMagicianOwn BusinessMinding My Own Business Author:Dave Attell
“Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.” KnowsYearsSaidEndsHumorFunnyMy OwnDealsKnow HowFourCrazyFrontsYears AgoMiseryWorkersBreadFour YearsPizzaMy Own LifeAnklesHutsCo Worker Author:Zach Galifianakis