“I think I'll be fine in New York. If I could stay here and just get jobs in New York, that would be fine and that's what I'd want to do. I don't want to move.” IfsThinkingWantWould BeJobsMovingNew YorkFineIf I Could Author:Jason Mewes
“I went to an art school in Brooklyn and painted Fine Art, if thats what youd call it for eight years in New York, until I saw the first underground comics in the East Village Other.” IfsYearsFirstsArtSchoolSawsNew YorkFineEightEastVillageBrooklynFine ArtsArt SchoolEast Village Author:Bill Griffith
“We have a greedy cycle where Human Rights Commissions fine citizens in order to pay their own salaries so they can employ more Human Rights Commissions. It's a bounty system where the prizes are business owner's heads. And so as restaurants go broke, tourists get stabbed. That's human rights in New York. And perhaps America.” HumansAmericaOrderPayRightsNew YorkFineCitizensHuman RightsBrokeRestaurantsOwnersPrizeCyclesGreedySalaryTouristsBountyBusiness Owners Author:Greg Gutfeld
“A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'” PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsLittlesDoeHumorHappensRunningFunnyJesusChurchMinutesFrontsNew YorkFineTomorrowOfficeLateAskingRoundsJewPostsBusComing BackAlrightPost OfficeI'm Back Author:Marc Maron
“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.” KnowsWantNeedsMeanSometimesHardWould BeNew YorkFineMouthsNeighborhoodRaysDeliciousWant SomethingGlamourPizzaGlitz Author:Demetri Martin
“New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.” IfsFirstsStatesPlayHandsSongTalkingNew YorkFineMonthsSixFirst TimePhonesSentencesDrivingCellsLatinJailSix MonthsNoveltyCell PhoneBans Author:Jon Stewart