“I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass? Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died. I must've burned ants for an hour, just laughing. Then I saw one on my arm. Let me tell you something, when you burn yourself with a magnifying glass, you're on your own. You can't even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.” ThinkingWantGivingKidsRememberFacesHoursLaughingSawsStupidArmsMomDecidedLet MeDiedGlassesBurnedI Want YouAntsYour MomGreat DayMagnifyingMagnifying Glass Author:Bill Engvall
“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.” SaidStillsFunnyCoursesPoliticsAliveStupidDiedDumbRacistThank GodSurvivedThanksgivingSan FranciscoEarthquakesReally StupidDumb LiberalFamous BoxerStupid LiberalStupid Funny Author:Barbara Boxer