“I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.” CoursesStarsPleaseYeahShipsHipsComedianHipsterDrinkers Author:Demetri Martin
“My parents are desperate, they keep saying: 'Please stop doing these angsty roles; make it easier for us.' So, yeah, I'd love to do some comedy.” ParentRolesComedyEasierPleaseYeahDesperateSaying Please Author:Ruth Wilson
“I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Yeah, I'd like the number of Macy's in Century City, California.' 'Did you say 'pretzel nuggets'?” StatesVoiceNumbersCitiesCenturyInformationPleaseComputerYeahCaliforniaNuggetsPretzelsMacy's Author:Andy Kindler
“I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.” MomentsPleaseLet MeYeahGreenCardsGreen Card Author:John Oliver
“Oh yeah brother I was right they started in with that mormon vudo right off the bat as soon as we walked in everybody was friendly. One of them who later became known to my family as the amazing Mr. Plastic Man even told me that he loved us. Please there are times I don't even like us how could you possibly love us. I was thinking spend some time with me pal and I'll cure you of that.” ThinkingMenKnownBrotherPleaseMy FamilyYeahCuresFriendlyPlasticBatsPals Author:Glenn Beck
“I just told Max flatly, "I had laser surgery last week to lighten my birthmark," as if it was no big deal. Oh yeah?" he said. Unexpectedly, Max swiveled around, yanked his pants down. The last thing I thought I had wanted to see tonight was Merc walking out the door. I was wrong. It was this stranger's rear end. "Please don't tell me this is one of those stripping telegrams?” IfsSaidEndsBigsWantedLastsDealsDoorsWeekWalkingPleaseYeahStrangerTonightPantsSurgeryBig DealMaxStrippingLasersWalking OutTelegramsBirthmarksWalking Out The Door Author:Justina Chen
“Yeah, well, to hear you talk, most men should come with warning labels. (She lifted her hands up to frame her next statement.) Attention, please, Psycho Alert. Me, he-man, am prone to nasty mood swings, lengthy pouts, and possess the ability to tell a woman the truth about her weight without warning. (Selena)” MenShouldWellsHandsNextAbilityAttentionHe ManPleaseWeightYeahMoodStatementsLabelsWarningSwingsNastyPsychoHands UpLengthyMood SwingWarning Labels Book:Fantasy Lover Source: Fantasy Lover
“If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you're in trouble, need a hand out of a corner..." "Yeah?" "Please don't hesitate to get lost.” IfsKnowsNeedsHelpingHandsLostTroublePleaseYeahCornersNeed Help Book:The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Source: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
“Someone came in all Starfleet badges today. Not on my shift, sadly.' 'Fascist,' Leon had said. 'Why are you so prejudiced against nerds?' 'Please,' Billy said. 'That would be a bit self-hating, wouldn't it?' 'Yeah, but you pass. You're like, you're in deep cover,' Leon said. 'You can sneak out of the nerd ghetto and hide the badge and bring back food and clothes and word of the outside world.” WorldSaidSelfWould BeTodayHateBitsLike YouPleaseClothesYeahNerdGhettoFascistsOutside WorldSneakBadgesLeon Author:China Mieville
“Man, I'm messed up right now. My best friend is my father? The man I idolized as a kid... whose tattoo is on my arm... And he's younger than me. Yeah, I don't think I can handle this. Mindwipe me, somebody... please! Where's that dragon from Sanctuary? Simi, go get Max. I need him.” ThinkingMenNeedsI CanKidsFatherArmsPleaseRight NowYeahHandleDragonsTattooMy Best FriendMaxSanctuaryMessed UpIdolizedI Need Him Author:Sherrilyn Kenyon