“Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.” YearsFirstsSaidEnoughGuyThreeComedyWeekFeetShotsYeahMaking MoneyRanGatesThree YearsHad EnoughMisled Author:Al Franken
“My parents are desperate, they keep saying: 'Please stop doing these angsty roles; make it easier for us.' So, yeah, I'd love to do some comedy.” ParentRolesComedyEasierPleaseYeahDesperateSaying Please Author:Ruth Wilson
“I don't know what would be antithetical to do on the other side, maybe a Tyler Perry movie or something. No, there are very few comedies that live in between that. Or you're doing some kid thing like a Jim Carrey movie with animated something that's like that. Yeah, I've wanted to do them. I like doing them. I did Talk to Me. That was pretty much a comedy.” KnowsWould BeKidsWantedSidesComedyYeahAnimatedTalk To Me Author:Don Cheadle
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'” IfsWantSaidHumorWantedFunnyComedyFoodMy FriendsYeahFrozenBananas Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.” HumorFunnyRememberUsedComedyHotYeahUsed To Be Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When I first came to America, I went into William Morris Endeavor for a meeting and I was like, "Yeah, I'm from Australia and I do comedy." I think that one of the reasons they signed me is because I wasn't like any other girl. Maybe girls don't get encouraged. The ones who get encouraged to move to Hollywood are the prettiest ones in their hometown of Iowa, or something. Whereas for me, where I come from in the western suburbs of Sydney, no one ever thought professional actors would come from there. Even my own family was like, "No one would want you on a show."” ThinkingWantFirstsReasonShowsAmericaMovingGirlActorsMy OwnComedyHollywoodYeahMeetingsWesternAustraliaEndeavorSuburbsHometownSydneyIowaOther GirlPrettiestMorris Author:Rebel Wilson
“I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh... I guess I said something, and, uh... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she..." Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it."” KnowsWayWellsSaidFeelingsFunnyFacesGuyHurtResponsibilityTalkingComedyHappenedShotsMy FriendsYeahMadPhrasesGirlfriendRemoveThis GuyHurt FeelingsMad At Him Author:Louis C. K.
“You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."” ThinkingWantLooksKindFunnyComedySafeYeahRight ThingShopsDolphinsBlandTuna Author:Louis C. K.
“New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. I'm always like, "Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah. Here in Tokyo. ... Uh, driver, I need to go to my old stomping grounds. That would be the Holiday Inn. And the address appears to be the pound sign."” NeedsMadeHomeWould BeFunnyCitiesComedyNew YorkGrewGrew UpYeahAddressesHolidayPoundsDriversRipBack HomeParanoidCabTokyoInnsStompingCab Drivers Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."” ThinkingKnowsFunnyAnimalComedyPlanetsBabyFemaleScientistYeahBillsMalesStubbornAssistantsDid You KnowHaving A Baby Author:Jim Gaffigan
“If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."” IfsLooksFunnyGuyComedyDadToughYeahHotelPoolMurderer Author:Jim Gaffigan
“Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here."” FeelsSometimesKidsFunnyTurnsSidesSawsComedyConnectionsYeahMadStrangerHittingMallsYour Side Author:Demetri Martin
“I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?"” ThinkingMeanSaidMightFunnyLastsRememberLostSawsComedyYeahHeyZoneWowHelmetPowBuckles Author:Brian Regan
“That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone."” MatterKidsFunnyBoysComedyOughtNo Matter WhatYeahCancerLegsBonesHandleBrokeDaddyAsthma Author:Chris Rock
“The arresting officer, who I had literally known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down the street me, in a town of less than four hundred people. *We've met.* Now, he takes me to jail, and he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass, and I said, "Yeah. They call me, "Tater Salad!" Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed on a bench in New York with blood coming out of my nose, and this cop goes, "Are you Ron 'Tater Salad' White?"” PeopleIfsKnowsYearsMeanSaidFunnyGuyAsksWhiteKnownComedyFourDoorsBloodMetsTownsYeahCome UpAsk MeNosesStationsCall MeOfficersComing OutCopJust BeingThis GuySaladBenchesSeventeenArrestingSmartassAliases Author:Ron White
“To me, Fight Club was a comedy. When [David] Fincher sent me the book and I read it, the first thing I asked him was, "This is a comedy, right?" he said, "Yeah, that's the whole point," and I said, "Okay, I'm in." I certainly wasn't imagining myself as a dramatic actor when I was running around in my underwear in that film.” FirstsSaidBookWholeRunningFilmFightingActorsComedyOkayYeahClubsDramaticUnderwear Author:Edward Norton
“Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.” PeopleKnowsKindI CanTodayJobsCausesComedySickYeahFolksWoodsHelloStand Up Comedy Author:Carol Leifer
“People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.” PeopleMenSometimesWould BeUsedFunEasyComedyCrazyYeahAlternativesFlutesBeing FunnyCrazy Man Author:Eugene Mirman
“It's completely unsexy [Yello, "Oh Yeah" 1985]. It does capture that weird '80s materialism and "We're gonna get it on now" vibe. But it's a very juvenile approach. It also became a weird signal for comedy, in the sense that when you heard the song, it meant comedy was happening on screen. I feel like this song was probably done in a couple of minutes in a studio.” FeelsDoeDoneSongComedyHeardMinutesCoupleApproachHappeningsYeahStudiosScreensMaterialismCaptureSignals80sJuvenile Author:Margaret Cho
“There seems to be this tendency toward denigrating romantic comedies as of late because it becomes something sort of cheesy or whatever. Whereas this embraced what it was. As a fan of When Harry Met Sally or Annie Hall, as a demonstration of what romantic comedy could be and should be, I immediately phoned Nira back and said, "Yeah, I'd like to do this. It'll be fun."” ShouldSaidSeemsFunComedyFansMetsLateYeahTendenciesHallsDemonstrationCheesyAnnieAnnie Hall Author:Simon Pegg
“This particular one was very, very heartwarming and is the relationship of an older man and a young boy that are essentially on the run. And so yeah, as I say, Barry Crump wrote a lot of books and this one got into the hands of Taika Watiti who then writing the screenplay decided to really vamp up if that's the word, or ramp up and modernize certain phrases - getting in the humor. So he added a lot of a real comedy perspective onto it which is what I think the story needed anyway, especially for it to turn into a film. And it worked.” IfsThinkingMenWritingBookRealStoriesHandsRunningFilmYoungCertainTurnsBoysComedyParticularPerspectiveNeededDecidedYeahPhrasesScreenplaysHeartwarmingRampOlder ManVamp Author:Rhys Darby
“It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, "I like your dress," and they'll go "(bleep) you!" Or I say something serious and they go, "Oh, yeah, ha-ha." They're strangers. They're people who know me from comedy, but luckily I am on pretty much all the time!” PeopleThinkingKnowsComedySeriousLike YouDressesYeahStrangerSarcasticKnow MeI Like YouBeing Sarcastic Author:Sarah Silverman
“I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"” WellsSaidHumorBigsAbleFunnyFacesGuyFightingComedyYeahSorryCornersYour FaceOne TimeBig GuysYou'll Be Sorry Author:Emo Philips
“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?” KnowsHumorFunnyWhiteComedyFameRacismYeahBeing FamousRace In America Author:Chris Rock
“Yeah, well I've always played comedy. My background is musical comedy theatre and that's really where my training is. As an actor, that's my training.” WellsActorsComedyTrainingYeahMusicalTheatreBackgrounds Author:Christopher Walken
“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'” HumorMotivationalKidsFunnyUsedComedyDadBeatsYeahMy DadCome UpYour DadFunny Fathers DayRevolutionary IdeasFunny FatherFunny Happy Fathers DayFunny Dad Author:Bill Hicks