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Beverly Engel

Beverly Engel Quotes

Psychotherapist

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Famous Beverly Engel Quotes

“Because women tend to turn their anger inward and blame themselves, they tend to become depressed and their self-esteem is lowered. This, in turn, causes them to become more dependent and less willing to risk rejection or abandonment if they were to stand up for themselves by asserting their will, their opinions, or their needs. Men often defend themselves against hurt by putting up a wall of nonchalant indifference. This appearance of independence often adds to a woman's fear of rejection, causing her to want to reach out to achieve comfort and reconciliation. Giving in, taking the blame, and losing herself more in the relationship seem to be a small price to pay for the acceptance and love of her partner. As you can see, both extremes anger in and anger out-create potential problems. While neither sex is wrong in the way they deal with their anger, each could benefit from observing how the other sex copes with their anger. Most men, especially abusive ones, could benefit from learning to contain their anger more instead of automatically striking back, and could use the rather female ability to empathise with others and seek diplomatic resolutions to problems. Many women, on the other hand, could benefit from acknowledging their anger and giving themselves permission to act it out in constructive ways instead of automatically talking themselves out of it, blaming themselves, or allowing a man to blame them. Instead of giving in to keep the peace, it would be far healthier for most women to stand up for their needs, their opinions, and their beliefs.”

Self EsteemAngerRejectionReconciliationAnger ManagementRelationship ProblemsCoping MechanismFear Of Abandonment
Book:The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
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“Some Survivors get angry at having to work at recovering from sexual abuse. They feel that it is unfair. They suffered all their life because of what someone else did to them: why do they have to suffer any more pain? This anger of “having” to do something is similar to the anger they felt at “having” to put up with the abuse.”

HealingAngerChild Sexual AbuseAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsHealing From Abuse
Book:The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Therapeutic 7-Step Self-Help Program for Men and Women, Including How to Choose a Therapist and Find a Support Group
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“Some Survivors think that getting angry is inappropriate and a sign that a person is out of control. Others are afraid of anger, that of others, as well as their own. They are afraid that if they get angry, they will be rejected or abandoned, afraid they will lose control and hurt someone. But, allowing yourself to get angry and express your anger in constructive ways is one of the most healthy and empowering things you can do.”

AngerAbuse SurvivorsSurvivors Of AbuseFear Of RejectionFear Of AbandonmentHealthy EmotionsConstructive Action
Book:The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself
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“If you carry around a lot of suppressed or repressed anger (anger you have unconsciously buried) you may lash out at people, blaming or punishing them for something someone else did a long time ago. Because you were unwilling or unable to express how you felt in the past, you may overreact in the present, damaging a relationship.”

AngerPtsdAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsSurvivors Of AbuseRepressed EmotionsSuppressed AngerLash OutSurvivors Abuse Survivors Rage
Book:The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself
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