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The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

Book by Beverly Engel · 7 quotes · Abuse, Critical, About Yourself

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The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing Quotes

“Critical words to a child are as painful and damaging as being physically hit. They are verbal slaps in the face. Usually, critical words are accompanied by threats, name-calling, and yelling. This verbal abuse can be especially damaging. Insulting names echo in a child's mind over and over again until he comes to believe he is indeed stupid, selfish, lazy, or ugly and that in fact, that is all he is.”

MindBelieveChildrenFactsFacesNamesStupidCallingAbuseThreatPainfulUglyCriticalSelfishLazyEchoesInsultingSlapYellingName CallingVerbal AbuseSlap In The Face
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“When someone is unrelentingly critical of you, always finds fault, can never be pleased, and blames you for everything that goes wrong, it is the insidious nature and cumulative effects of the abuse that do the damage. Over time, this type of abuse eats away at your self-confidence and sense of self-worth, undermining any good feelings you have about yourself and about your accomplishments .”

SelfFeelingsEffectsTypeAbuseBlameFaultsCriticalSelf ConfidenceSelf WorthAccomplishmentDamageAbout YourselfSense Of SelfInsidiousGood FeelingUnderminingCumulative
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“Because women tend to turn their anger inward and blame themselves, they tend to become depressed and their self-esteem is lowered. This, in turn, causes them to become more dependent and less willing to risk rejection or abandonment if they were to stand up for themselves by asserting their will, their opinions, or their needs. Men often defend themselves against hurt by putting up a wall of nonchalant indifference. This appearance of independence often adds to a woman's fear of rejection, causing her to want to reach out to achieve comfort and reconciliation. Giving in, taking the blame, and losing herself more in the relationship seem to be a small price to pay for the acceptance and love of her partner. As you can see, both extremes anger in and anger out-create potential problems. While neither sex is wrong in the way they deal with their anger, each could benefit from observing how the other sex copes with their anger. Most men, especially abusive ones, could benefit from learning to contain their anger more instead of automatically striking back, and could use the rather female ability to empathise with others and seek diplomatic resolutions to problems. Many women, on the other hand, could benefit from acknowledging their anger and giving themselves permission to act it out in constructive ways instead of automatically talking themselves out of it, blaming themselves, or allowing a man to blame them. Instead of giving in to keep the peace, it would be far healthier for most women to stand up for their needs, their opinions, and their beliefs.”

Self EsteemAngerRejectionReconciliationAnger ManagementRelationship ProblemsCoping MechanismFear Of Abandonment
Book:The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
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“This is particularly true of those who "love too much" and those who tend to lose themselves in their relationships. Sometimes our love becomes distorted by our feelings of insecurity and our fear of abandonment. This is the often the case with those who become overly controlling and overly smothering of their partner. Others become emotionally abusive because of their fear of intimacy.”

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“Begin to nurture yourself…Some grew up expecting their romantic partners to give them the nurturing they hungered for, only to be disappointed. But our partners are not our parents, no matter how much we try to make them into parents. No one can make up for the deprivation you experienced, and no one should be expected to.”

Abuse SurvivorsHealing InsightsChild Abuse SurvivorsUnmet NeedsParenting Yourself
Book:The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
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