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Bill Maher

Bill Maher Quotes

Comedian

Bill Maher is an American comedian, political commentator, and television host. Known for his sharp political satire and humor, he is best recognized for hosting ABC's 'Politically Incorrect'. Born on January 20, 1956, Maher's career spans television, film, and stage performances, as well as writing and producing.

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Famous Bill Maher Quotes

“The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.”

Ifs Needs Stills Lying Night Three Wealth Sleep Poor Rich Feet Great Things Thick Every Night Liberated Cushions Become Rich Need Money

Author:Bill Maher

“[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right.”

Thinking Needs Ideas Leader Balls

Author:Bill Maher

“I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.”

Thinking Needs Humans Stills Two Fall Building Sticks Impulse Sand Need A Change Old Saying

Author:Bill Maher

“If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won't give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can't afford to have your head examined.”

Ifs Needs Giving Citizens Vote Healthcare

Author:Bill Maher

“New Rule: All Fox News employees must now refer to President Bush as "my liege". If they are going to treat President Bush like he's an infallible king, they need to start addressing him as if he was an infallible king. And they can do this by addressing him as "my liege".”

Ifs Needs President Can Do Kings News Treats Employee Foxes President Bush Infallible Fox News

Author:Bill Maher

“Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you'd best deliver information with entertainment.”

Needs Used Culture Information Entertainment Diets Feds Chocolate Spoons Coke Cherries Caffeine Diet Coke

Author:Bill Maher

“In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.”

People Ifs Want Needs Trying Religious Moral Universal Average Right Thing Wicked Good People Psychotic Wicked Things

Author:Bill Maher

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but Obama looks like he DOES need a teleprompter.”

Needs Believe Looks Doe I Can Funny Political

Author:Bill Maher

“Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead.”

Needs Morning Trump News Foxes Monday Blonde Fox News Monday Morning Airheads

Author:Bill Maher

“You talk about 'Obama is going to herd us into FEMA brainwashing camps.' Maybe your brain needs a little washing.”

Needs Littles Brain Camps Washing Herds Brainwashing

Author:Bill Maher

“Whoever needs the relationship less has all the power.”

Author:Bill Maher

“Since the Icelandic volcano obviously needs a virgin sacrifice and the Catholic Church obviously needs new leadership the Pope must volunteer to jump in the volcano. Pontiff, don't think of it as endorsing paganism, think of it as supersizing Ash Wednesday.”

Thinking Needs Church Sacrifice Catholic Ashes Pope Volunteer Virgins Catholic Church Paganism Wednesday Volcanoes Endorsing Ash Wednesday

Author:Bill Maher

“Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.”

People Needs Looks Ends Religion Realizing Religious Terrible Comfort Mirrors Rational Closets Solace Timidity

Author:Bill Maher

“I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing... When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.”

Needs Country America Faces Boys Trump Protect Kissing Adults Election Terrorism Discussion Wow Homophobia Getting Laid Referendums

Author:Bill Maher

“There's more attention paid to entertainers than ever and less that they have to say. Not that entertainers were ever a great beacon of knowledge to begin with, but at least when the Beatles were the leaders of the culture, they had a message. It was brief; it wasn't terribly complicated. "Give Peace a Chance." "All You Need is Love." But at least they were trying. At least they had grown.”

Needs Giving Trying Culture Chance Attention Leader Messages Paid Complicated Entertainers Beacons Love Is All You Need

Author:Bill Maher

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.”

People Needs Country Comedy Telling The Truth Rebellion Thinker Rebel Sheep Conformist Speaking Out Free Thinkers

Author:Bill Maher

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

People Thinking Knows Needs Persons Real Country Comedy Our Country Patriot Real Friends

Author:Bill Maher

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

Needs Funny Responsibility Rights Ethics Bills Usa United States Of America Bill Of Rights Great Responsibility Rights And Responsibilities

Author:Bill Maher

“Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.”

Men Needs Funny Atheist Bureaucracy Government Bureaucracy

Author:Bill Maher

“I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.”

Needs Littles Personality Usa

Author:Bill Maher

“The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'”

Thinking Needs Made Kids Crazy Special Gun Yeah Protection Ads Gun Control Tanks Paranoid Elitist Mint Accusing Nra Armed Guards

Author:Bill Maher

“Republicans have become the party of red, white and blue rose colored glasses. By drowning out criticism with USA! USA!, they prevent this country from healing itself where it needs healing, and that is the opposite of Country First.”

Needs Firsts Country White Party Healing Republican Red Criticism Opposites Blue Rose Glasses Usa Drowning Colored Glass Red White And Blue Rose Colored Glasses

Author:Bill Maher

“Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth control.”

Knows Needs America Guy Week Birth Morality Romney Birth Control Lecturing

Author:Bill Maher

“Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and today—Benedict told them he was going to resign because the Church needs a fresh, young face, somewhere other than a priest's lap.”

Knows Needs Today Faces Young Church Week Century Radio Priests Pope Lap Pope Benedict

Author:Bill Maher

“This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.”

Needs Children Party Car Hot

Author:Bill Maher

“Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and I need them to admit the historical existence of George W. Bush. If your party can run the nation for eight years and then have a national convention and not invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, or Tom DeLay, you're not a political movement, you're the witness protection program.”

“George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.”

Needs Book Political Courses Politics Explaining Gore

Author:Bill Maher

“When did the business community in America become so sensitive? ... that we have to treat like some type of rare exotic animal - don't startle them or they'll fly away!...we need to soothe them so they can nest here and lay their magic eggs full of jobs! - WHICH NEVER HATCH BY THE WAY!!!”

Way Needs Jobs America Community Animal Magic Type Treats Lays Sensitive Eggs Nests Exotic Fly Away Exotic Animals

Author:Bill Maher

About the Author

Born: January 20, 1956
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 792

Related Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Republican Said America Want Country President Way Men Believe Week World Years Religion Guy Needs Humor

Popular Topics

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Books & Sources

The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their AssRelated source material

When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden: What the Government Should be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on TerrorismRelated source material

New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid ObserverRelated source material

Does Anybody Have a Problem with That?: Politically Incorrect's Greatest HitsRelated source material

Does Anybody Have a Problem with That?: The Best of Politically IncorrectRelated source material

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