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Carl Hiaasen Quotes

Journalist

Carl Hiaasen, born on March 12, 1953, is a renowned journalist and author from the United States. His works are known for their humor, satire, and exposure of social issues, primarily focusing on the political and social realities of Florida.

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All Book Ifs Writing Novel Florida Character Real Sometimes States Way

Famous Carl Hiaasen Quotes

“I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.”

Writing Book Waiting Pharmacist

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.”

Ifs Believe Made Wonder Morning Sun News Evening Morning Sun

Book:Nature Girl

Source: Nature Girl

“and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.”

Conclusion

Book:Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

Source: Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

“Disney world is an armpit compared to Montana.”

World Montana Armpits

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.”

Problem Age Patience

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.”

Mind Humans Joy Fun Born Worry Eating Treats Balls Bliss Contemplation Over You Thrill Gullible Licking Somber Retrievers Labradors

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.”

People Littles Easy Water Silence Ought Quiet Sunset

Book:Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

Source: Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

“That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.”

People Special Special Places

Book:Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

Source: Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp

“There's so much hate that we direct externally that we forget we have our own psychos. But that's the role of the satirist - you have to examine your own country and say, look!”

Looks Country Hate Forget Roles Direct Psycho Satirist

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“As frightening as this may sound, what you see in the books is the way I see the world. And so far I haven't seen anything, either in Florida or elsewhere, to dissuade me from it.”

World Way May Book Sound Havens Elsewhere Frightening Florida

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Everybody's idea of a great book is different, of course. For me it's one that makes my jaw drop on every page, the writing is so original.”

Writing Book Ideas Different Courses Pages Originals Great Book

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule.”

Knows Made Fun Knowing Politician Uncomfortable Target Routine Ridicule Uneasy Soapbox Being Made Fun

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Good satire comes from anger. It comes from a sense of injustice, that there are wrongs in the world that need to be fixed. And what better place to get that well of venom and outrage boiling than a newsroom, because you're on the front lines.”

World Needs Wells Lines Fronts Anger Injustice Fixed Satire Better Place Outrage Boiling Venom

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Here's my rule: You always want to pay cash for your own books, because if they look at the name on the credit card and then they look at the name on the book jacket, then there's this look of such profound sympathy for you that you had to resort to this. It really is withering.”

Ifs Want Looks Book Names Pay Profound Credit Cards Sympathy Cash Resorts Jackets Credit Card Withering

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I don't have an e-reader. One reason is that I like to dog-ear the page when I find a particularly good sentence or passage.”

Reason Dog Reader Pages Ears Sentences Passages

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I got overwhelmed by the magnitude of the celebrity culture in America. My background is as a news journalist, and newsrooms in the US are shrinking - investigation teams are being terminated or shrunk on newspapers all around the country. The one aspect that's expanded is coverage of celebrity culture.”

Country America Culture Team News Aspect Newspapers Backgrounds Journalist Investigation Overwhelmed Coverage Magnitude Shrinking Celebrity Culture

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness.”

Writing Looks Home Morning Laughing Wife Smile Illness My Wife Coming Home Lunch Funeral Bragging

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I'd always wanted to write books ever since I was a kid.”

Writing Book Kids Wanted

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.”

Humour Anger Angry Soapbox

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions, most of these clowns don't read, can't write, and clearly can't add.”

Writing States Body Decision Add Shining Exception Clown Qualified Legislature Public Education State Legislatures

Book:Dance of the Reptiles: Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns

Source: Dance of the Reptiles: Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns

“Like Richard Price and the late, great Elmore Leonard, Matt Burgess is one of those cool, quick and funny writers who can turn a seemingly routine crime caper into something special.”

Turns Special Crime Late Routine Something Special Capers

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Disney's something to be a little alarmed about. It's not just a little theme park anymore. It's now an ethic and outlook and strategy that goes way beyond central Florida.”

Way Littles Ethics Strategy Parks Theme Florida Outlook Theme Parks

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon.”

Humor Weapons Incredibles

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.”

People Funny Order Laughing Enjoyed Making People Laugh

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“All novels are about crime. You'd be hard pressed to find any novel that does not have an element of crime. I don't see myself as a crime novelist, but there are crimes in my books. That's the nature of storytelling, if you want to reflect the real world.”

Ifs World Want Doe Book Real Hard Novel Crime Elements Storytelling Novelists Real World

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I won't be making any friends in the corporate suites.”

Corporate

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“I'd love to see a good script of one of my books, in these years of animations and comic book sequels, and had so many written over the years, but none quite clicked.”

Years Book Written Scripts Comic Comic Book Animation Sequels

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“If you write satire, the guilty pleasure these days is that there's just so much material about. On the other hand, if you have a family it can be depressing.”

Ifs Writing Hands Pleasure Materials Guilty These Days Satire Depressing Guilty Pleasure

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Unfortunately, I don't get to read nearly as much as I want because I'm always working on my own stuff, either the novels or newspaper columns.”

Want Stuff My Own Novel Newspapers Columns Always Working

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“When I'm working on a novel of my own, I try to read mostly nonfiction, although sometimes I break down and peek at something else.”

Trying Sometimes My Own Break Novel Down And Nonfiction Breaking Down

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“My driving record is not exemplary, but I have never had a speeding ticket over 100 m.p.h. I can say that unequivocally.”

I Can Records Driving Tickets Speeding Exemplary Speeding Tickets

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“The greatest sin for a writer is to be boring.”

Sin Boring

Author:Carl Hiaasen

“Obviously you have to make a profit to put out a newspaper. I'm not an idiot. But when the margins are in excess of 25 per cent you're talking about greed.”

Talking Greed Profit Newspapers Idiot Excess Cents Margins

Author:Carl Hiaasen

About the Author

Born: March 12, 1953
Known for: Journalist
Quotes: 83

Books & Sources

Carl Hiaasen Collection: Hoot, Flush, Scat, ChompRelated source material

HootRelated source material

ChompRelated source material

Nature GirlRelated source material

Dance of the Reptiles: Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected ColumnsRelated source material

ScatRelated source material

Sick PuppyRelated source material

Skin TightRelated source material

Strip TeaseRelated source material

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