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Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Book by Dave Barry · 16 quotes · Funny, Humorous, Ifs

This compilation showcases Dave Barry's wit and humor, featuring a selection of his most popular and entertaining pieces from his career as a humorist.

Book detail: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits is presented as a focused source page for quotations connected with this book, collection, transcript, or source record.

This compilation showcases Dave Barry's wit and humor, featuring a selection of his most popular and entertaining pieces from his career as a humorist.

The quotes below use the same card format as the rest of the site, including topics, source notes, copy actions, image creation, and sharing controls.

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All Funny Humorous Ifs Beer New York Humor People Trying Years Airline Drinking Firsts Literature Running Space Thinking Tradition Travel Air Travel Annuals

Dave Barry's Greatest Hits Quotes

“Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.”

Funny Wish Industry Travel Sells Bother Related Expensive Articles Publication Headlines Tourism Advertisements Never Trust

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.”

Men Ends Humor Light Running Funny Remember Asks Trouble Groups Drink Humorous Tasks Wine Drinking Complexes Alcohol Beer Cigarette Liquor Filters Beer Drinking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if you put up the sails, the boat tips way over, and you could spill your beer.”

Ifs Way Want Funny Boat Beer Features Sail Sailing Motor Spills Sailboat

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that . . .”

Should Firsts Real Funny Jobs Involved Benefits News Journalism Journalist Real Jobs

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.”

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.”

Ifs Hard Humor Funny Hate Food Late Humorous Terrorist Flight Planes Meals Beaten Crowded Airline Passengers Noisy Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?”

People Ifs Humor Today Funny Land Food Computer Humorous Crosses Instruments Flying Covered Bottles Airplane Fog Sandwiches Airline Liquor Radar Runway Air Travel Bologna

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.”

World States Funny America Nations United Known United States Sweet Taste Humorous Drinking Beer Rays Lacking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it relieves nasal congestion. What I'm saying is that it actually works, which is something you can say about very few other aspects of the medical establishment.”

Feels Humor Funny Achievement Humorous Aspect Doctors Medicine Medical Establishment Wondrous Spray Congestion

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.”

Trying Humor Funny Dog Humorous Female Ears Instinct Senses Timeless Earnest Nurturing

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.”

Funny Pay Cities New York Taxes Humorous Income Flight Apartment Airline Annuals Inconvenience

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a remarkable job of getting New Yorkers from Point A to an indeterminate location somewhere in the tunnel leading to point B.”

Doe Funny Jobs New York Humorous Budgets Remarkable Location Boast Stolen Tunnels New Yorkers Maintenance Subway Annuals

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any "spare" change.”

Ifs Reason Funny Lost New York Approach Humorous Helpful Seconds Spares New Yorkers Unsure Spare Change

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.”

People Wells Running Funny Hours New York Humorous Tradition Train Storm Platforms Initials Chuck Spray

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.”

Bigs Funny Known New York Humorous Sight Apples Garbage Barges

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Never trust anything you read in a travel article.”

Funny Travel Articles Never Trust

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

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