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David Richo

David Richo Quotes

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David Richo is an American writer born in 1940. His works primarily focus on personal growth, spiritual cultivation, and interpersonal relationships, which are well-received by readers.

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Famous David Richo Quotes

“The work of healing the past is not to recall past hurt and fix it but to stay with it, in it, until it starts to shift and open on its own.”

Healing Psychology

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“People who have an extreme fear of abandonment become angry at the slightest form of distance. They may then react by becoming controlling, demanding, angry, or critical. We can be triggered and then react in indignation. Healthy adults, of course, will not stay long in such a relationship without seeking professional help, each for individualized issues. We can only stay when we don't need to walk on eggshells anymore because we are getting help in changing things. Sometimes a relationship can only work with work.”

Love Relationships Psychology Abandonment

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“As a special benefit to us, when we align our expectations to the limitations of the other we save ourselves from continual disappointment.”

Love Relationships Psychology

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“Love in adulthood is a reexperiencing of the love our every cell remembers. The way we were loved in early life is the way we want to be loved all our lives.”

Love Relationships Psychology Lovelanguage

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“Romance is the best way to begin a relationship and is a bridge to a more mature commitment. But we should not be surprised that it does not last. It is a phase that builds a bond, but it is not a mature bond in itself. Nature designed romance to bring people together to mate, to propagate the species, and to support one another. In this phase the sexual energy is high, and so is the adrenaline. However, continued high adrenaline levels lower our immune response and eventually undermine our health. Thus, in the best interests of our health, romance lasts only as long as is needed for sex and procreation to occur.”

Love Romance Relationships Psychology

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“On first glance, relationship addiction looks exactly like the romance phase of any relationship. The difference is that romance is phase appropriate, whereas addiction defies flux and attaches itself to the crest of excitement and drama. Romance moves on; addiction halts and paralyzes us. Addiction is unsatisfiable because, ultimately, satisfaction flows from moving over the curve of exhilaration to repose while addiction tarries at the crest of excitement.”

Love Romance Relationships Psychology Addiction

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“We bond in adult relationships the way we did in early life. If there was dysfunctional bonding then, we may be sitting ducks for an addictive bond later. A cellular memory from childhood triggers a cellular reflex in our adult selves.”

Love Relationships Psychology Addiction

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“In healthy relating, we connect but do not attach. We can only really possess what does not possess us. This leads us to the great irony of addictive relating: We attach and thereby do not have. The second irony is that the more we rely on someone for security, the less secure we feel. It is sometimes frightening to realize how much impact a partner has come to have on our life and thoughts. We may react in counter-phobic ways like getting even closer!”

Love Relationships Psychology Attachment

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“When we find ourselves reacting to how friends or partners come at us we show that we are vulnerable to their feelings and actions. This is a sign of intimacy, not weakness. When we then run, the intimacy runs off too. When we stay to work things out, intimacy can flourish. When we stay even though things aren't working, codependency takes over.”

Relationships Psychology Intimacy

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“If closeness was associated with danger in the past, it may remain so as a post-traumatic stress reaction. The fear of closeness and engulfment is subtle and long-lived; we are only released from it when we work through it and practice overriding it again and again. We do this when we allow the other person to direct our love rather than controlling how much or in what way we show it. To let go of control that way is terrifying to someone who fears closeness.”

Love Relationships Psychology Trauma

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“What scares us ultimately may not be closeness itself but the feelings it evokes. For someone with a fear of engulfment, closeness may set in motion an old, familiar cycle in which closeness led to abandonment or abuse. Now we believe, cellularly though not necessarily intellectually, that if someone gets close, he will abandon or abuse us.”

Relationships Psychology Abuse Abandonment Closeness Engulfment

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“We may use blame and criticism to cover up needs that we have not expressed or that have not been met.”

Needs Relationships Psychology Criticism Blame

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“The desire for vengeance against the partner who hurt you will probably arise. This is the ego's way of avoiding grief by substituting interaction for inner action - that is, personal work. Allow any feeling or thought, but refrain from acting on it.”

Relationships Psychology Ego Breakup

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“You may fear that you will never find anyone else; no one will ever want you. This sort of paranoid delusion is to be dismissed as such, but it also serves the grief work. It prevents you from looking for someone else before you are ready to see who you are.”

Love Relationships Psychology Breakup

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“You may be unable to get the other person or the betrayal out of your mind. The ego prefers to choose one side of a polarity and ignore the other, which helps explain the origin and longevity of obsessive thoughts in which we can focus on only one option. You are not in the control tower. Rather you are challenged to become the landing strip. Simply allow any feelings and thoughts that may safely land or crash on you. They are normal and usually fade with time.”

Relationships Psychology Ego Breakup

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“It is a mistake to recontact a former partner too soon. In this instance, it helps to have an ego that is too proud to beg for contact! When is the time right for reconnecting in a friendly way? Probably when you have stopped obsessing and no longer want or need to change him or get even with her.”

Love Relationships Psychology Ego Breakup

Book:亲密关系的重建

Source: 亲密关系的重建

“We are, in a sense, our own parents, and we give birth to ourselves by our own free choice of what is good”

Relationships Psychology Parenting Self Parenting

Book:How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving Excellent series 1ST

Source: How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving Excellent series 1ST

“Acceptance is approval, a word with a bad name in some psychologies. Yet it is perfectly normal to seek approval in childhood and throughout life. We require approval from those we respect. The kinship it creates lifts us to their level, a process referred to in self-psychology as transmuting internalization. Approval is a necessary component of self-esteem. It becomes a problem only when we give up our true self to find it. Then approval-seeking works against us.”

Giving Self Problem Names Process Levels Psychology Childhood Self Esteem Acceptance Giving Up Normal Seeking Esteem Lifts Approval True Self Components Kinship Perfectly Normal

Author:David Richo

“The most exciting part of finding out who we are is discovering our own uniqueness, who we are outside the box, beyond the categories in a Psychology 101 textbook. In our inimitable singularity, there is an infinite range of possibility that cannot be tied to any one description of what it means to be human or healthy.”