“Because in the great majority of cases, the reason the other person is not listening to you is not because they are stubborn, but because they don’t feel heard. In other words, they aren’t listening to you for the same reason you aren’t listening to them: they think you are slow or stubborn. So they repeat themselves, find new ways to say things, talk more loudly, and so forth.” Understanding OthersArgumentsConversationsExpressing YourselfDifficult Conversations Book:Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most Source: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
“Saying “I’d like you to pay more attention to me” is more likely to produce a conversation (and a satisfying outcome) than “Is it impossible for you to focus on me just once?” Because instead of hearing the underlying feeling or request, the other person focuses on the sarcasm and the attack. Instead of hearing that you feel lonely, they hear that you think they are thoughtless. The real message doesn’t get through, because they are distracted by the need to defend themselves.” ArgumentsExpressing YourselfDifficult Conversations Book:Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most Source: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most