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Famous Douglas Stone Quotes

“An employee wanders into work late, something you’ve been meaning to talk to them about, so you say, “Late again, eh?” and leave it at that. Or you visit your son for the weekend, notice the empty beer bottles in the garbage, and say, “I see you’re still drinking up a storm.” These comments are intended to help. You hope your employee or your son will take the message to heart. But while your comments may help you feel a bit better (“At least I’ve said something”), they make the other person defensive and frustrated, which is unlikely to produce the kind of change you had in mind. A good rule to follow is: If you’re going to talk, talk. Really talk.”

Caring For Others Conversations Expressing Emotions Difficult Conversations Expressing Thoughts

Book:Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Source: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

“Because in the great majority of cases, the reason the other person is not listening to you is not because they are stubborn, but because they don’t feel heard. In other words, they aren’t listening to you for the same reason you aren’t listening to them: they think you are slow or stubborn. So they repeat themselves, find new ways to say things, talk more loudly, and so forth.”

Understanding Others Arguments Conversations Expressing Yourself Difficult Conversations

Book:Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Source: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

“Saying “I’d like you to pay more attention to me” is more likely to produce a conversation (and a satisfying outcome) than “Is it impossible for you to focus on me just once?” Because instead of hearing the underlying feeling or request, the other person focuses on the sarcasm and the attack. Instead of hearing that you feel lonely, they hear that you think they are thoughtless. The real message doesn’t get through, because they are distracted by the need to defend themselves.”

Arguments Expressing Yourself Difficult Conversations

Book:Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Source: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most